Love is Hard

Troy

"Izzy."
I moan, who ever is touching me needs to stop. I open my eyes to see Justin sitting over me, tapping my arm.
"What?" I ask, annoyed.
"Its ten."
"So?" He rolls his eyes at my smart comeback
"So, you have work tomorrow." I moan one more time and roll over, but I hit something. I look up, over the fit body, and I feel my cheeks burn. Caleb smiles at me, making me hide the pain from my sunburn.
"Good morning, tomatoe." I stifle a laugh, knowing my color had to glow during the night. I slowly sit up, stretching my arms and yawning. Caleb is laying/sitting against my backboard. He joins me in an upright position, but I cross my legs. (Always been a habit since 'Criss Cross Applesauce') Justin smiles and leaves the room. I nearly yell for him to come back, but I stop myself.
"I got to leave soon." Caleb says, rubbing his hands through his hair. I look back at him.
"When?"
"Around one." He huffs, I can tell he doesn't want too.
"What job is it?" I ask, knowing he had to be behind.
"I'm going to the garage, but then I have a shift at Kindle." He dramatically lays his hands on his legs, letting out a long breath.
"Thank you, for the past few days..." I say, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
"I had fun!" He said, a smile spreading on his lips. Caleb left around an hour later; I spent the day cleaning, and preparing for work. Justin wanted to go off with his girlfriend, I personally think they were fighting. Around eleven I was up watching The Lucky One when Justin walks in and slumps on the couch next to me.
"You're not supposed to be making in of it..." Justin points out.
"Well, what do you expect? When a girl asks her guy to leave, she obviously doesn't want you too."
"This is why you're more part man!" Justin says, between his laughter.
"How's the drama queen?" I ask, pressing pause on the movie. He sighs very loud and dramatically.
"She dumped me, again." He slumped even more in his chair
"I'm sorry Justin. She's just missing out!" I shuffle his hair, making him smile. I eventually turn off the movie and move to my bedroom so he can go to bed. I sit up for a chapter in my book, before yelling goodnight to Justin; all I hear back is a mumble of words. I turn off my lamp and settle into bed. The last thing I do is text Caleb goodnight.

***

"Izabelle. You're okay, you're safe!" I swing upward, into gentle arms. I hear his calming words sooth me, but I can't stop feeling the fear. I have sweat dripping on my forehead, and tears sliding down my face. My hand's are shaking, and I'm crying in his chest. His? Caleb's. His smooth hand rubs my back, trying to calm my fears. "Its okay. You were just dreaming. Its your brother and me, that's all." I open my squeezed eyes and I feel the pressure release. I jump to see my brother in front of me, thinking it was him. I calm my breaths as Justin talks with his voice shaking.
"You wasn't waking up..." I pull back from Caleb, and pull a stand of hair back with my trembling fingers.
"I-I'm fine..." I pause, "Just go back to bed, please." He hesitates, but goes knowing me too well. I swing my feet off the side of my bed, while Caleb got up and lended me his hand. I accept, feeling my shaking submit.
"I just need to walk it off..." I say trailing to the bathroom, "And go to the bathroom." I close the door hearing his laughter. When I'm finished, I have Caleb get me a Gatorade and we both sit on my bed.
"How do you drink those whenever? Don't they give you energy?" He asks, while I yawn but take a sip.
"No, they actually make me tired." I admitt.
"Do you want to go to bed?" He asks, his eyes pausing on me for a few seconds. He is laying on his back, his his hands twisted together. My back is against the head board of my bed. I take another sip before joining him. I shake my head, positioning myself a safe, yet close distance from him.
"I never do when these kind of things happen." I murmur.
"This has happened more than once?" I hear the concern in his voice. He must have a million questions, but I don't think I can tell him...
"I don't think I can tell you..." I whisper, not meaning for him to hear.
"You don't have to ever tell me, but I will always be here for you." I send him a greatful smile. "Is that why you're not close to your parents?"
"Kind of. I sort of pushed them away..." I sigh, "Its easier that way."
"Trust me, from my point of view, its not easy. My father hasn't talked to me since I started college six years ago." I send him a look of confusion. "I had a brother once."
"Had?" I repeat, hearing him sigh. He was preparing himself for this obvious, painful memory.
"His name was Troy. He was a senior in high school; captain of the football team. Always so stubborn..." He paused, while I grabbed ahold of his hand placed beside his leg. I felt a couple squeezes, while he was gathering up his strength. "I was picking him up to go surfing; that was our favorite thing to do. When he put his board with mine and joined me in the passenger seat, I yelled a few words to my pops. Although, I didn't know that was going to be he last time he would speak to me..." I squeezed his hand, sending encouragement through me to him. His face turned to mine, and I could see all the pain. His eyes stayed locked on mine; actually feeling his guilt. "We were on our way to our favorite spot out into the water, while he was telling me about his last school year. I didn't see the Honda swerving the pothole, so it slammed into the passenger side. Troy never wore his seatbelt so he went through the wind shield, instantly killing him." He looked away from me, glad I didn't have to see the darkness cloud his eyes. "The cops told my parents that I fell asleep at the wheel, so no one believed me. My mother took my side, trying still today to get my father to understand that it wasn't my fault." His voice changes to a whisper, "But we all know, it was my fault." I can hear the guilt and the pain in his voice.
"If you keep telling yourself that, you convince yourself its true. I would know; because of my own past, I did the same thing." I feel him and I move closer together, closing the space in between us. His eyes turn towards mine, showing more of his normal colors from my encouragement. Next thing I know is he's moving closer to me; more particular, my face. I start to blush, not even bothering to hide it. Soon, our lips are almost touching, pushing me to, yet telling me don't. I forget about Peter and my dreadful past, and I give into right now. I feel his soft, gentle lips touch mine; feeling my face reach a warmth I feel only from him. We both separate, sitting up. We lean in again, prepared for, yet another kiss. My hands are gently placed on his lower neck, partially on his chest. I grip more strongly on his hoodie as I feel his hands run up and down my back. Next, our lips are in sync; moving freely on each others. I then realize what's happening, and flashes spread through my mind, causing me to pull away in panic. Caleb is shocked, but caring.
"I can't..." I whisper, my forehead under his chin.
"Its okay, I understand." He runs his hands on my back, causing prickles to form on my skin. I run my fingers over my lips, thinking about how they felt. I can't. I then pull away, releasing my grasp. I see understanding in his Hazel eyes.
"I think I want to sleep now..." I murmur, making his eyes smile. He looked tired when he woke me up. He stands up and motions to the bathroom, as I laugh. "Why are you asking?" He shrugged, a smile cut out on his lips. While he was gone l slid under my comforter, feeling my body warm up. I close my eyes, feeling the horror of my nightmare flashback subside. I then remember the warmth of his kiss and i feel the smoothness of his lips once again. When Caleb finally joins me, he jumps in my bed. Being positioned on my left side, I couldn't turn out my lamp. I asked Caleb to do it for me, smiling slyly. When the light turned off, a few seconds following it, I feel Caleb lay beside me. His arm swings around my back as I lay my head on his chest. As I'm falling asleep to his heartbeat, his voice kicks in.
"As long as I'm here, no one is going to hurt you."
"My hero..."I mumble, falling into the deep sleep I never get after a nightmare like that. I feel his hand hold mine, knowing I was protected with him here.

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- Emuna_Jasmine