Love is Hard

Fear of Attachment

I hear the storm, it's what woke me up. Boom, boom. I, for once, feel safe; wrapped up in Caleb's arms. I don't feel the building sway with threats of the raging wind.
"It feels safer." I murmur.
"How?"
"I always feel the massive buildings move during storms."
"How do you sleep?" I can hear the exhaustion take over in his voice.
"I don't." I mumble, my eyes failing to stay open.
"Why don't you wake me up, I'm just on the other side of the camera...."
"Because, you are what takes my mind off it." He lifts his head, looking down on me. "I listen to you snore...." Wow, that's not creepy.
"I listen to you snore too." He says after he kisses my cheek. My face heats and he lays back down, but positions farther than before. Suddenly, what he says clicks.
"I do not snore." I defensively comment. I turn my body to face him while he crakles a laugh.
"Whatever you say." He surrenders, placing his hands in the air.

~~~

"It's cute."
"No, it's not.
"Come on, its Katie and Jackson. At least he's settled down!" Caleb makes a good point.
"Their my best friends, its not going to end well." I mutter. Sure, I was aiming for them to get together, but now that they finally listened, I can't stop thinking about everything that could go wrong.
"Their cuddling, Isabelle." Caleb smiles at me. I try to keep my scowl, but I eventually give in when he wraps his arms around me. When I transfer my eyes to Ella, I nearly gag from holding my laughter.
"Looks like they are too." I comment at the sight of Ella snuggled up to my brothers chest.
"I thought Justin was blowing up the air mattress for Ella?" Caleb questions.
"So did I." I smugly reply. I escape his grip and head to my bathroom. I pull up my hair, making it seem short. I pull Caleb's hoodie higher, trying to make it seem like I was wearing shorts. I pull it off, revealing my tank top. I don't feel comfortable going out like this... So I throw my night shirt that was left on the closed toilet seat last night. When I join him, I see Caleb laying on my bed looking up at the tapped stars on the ceiling.
"When did you do this?"
"Before I left." I lay next to him. "I thought it'd be a nice reminder to Justin that it's still my room." I teasingly add. "Plus it helped take my mind off of everything that was going on."
"Tell me something that you hated there?" Caleb suddenly sits up, holding himself on his arm, and looks down at me.
"Well," I sigh, keeping my eyes on the ceiling. "My family wasn't there-"
"Besides things like that." He cuts me off, his laughter warning me he was hiding something. I decide to let it pass, and I focus on his question.
"I feel like a needle in a haystack." He lays back down beside me and folds his fingers around mine. "It's like, I'm the only one who wears jeans. Everywhere I look, it's business suits." I hear Caleb chuckle and my goal was reached. "The cab drivers; man, their horrible. I do not want to be hit on before I go to work!"
"Hit on?"
"Trust me, I make sure they know," I hold up my ring, "I'm taken." His eyes flicker with amusement. "What I do like, is the fact I can see the bigger picture of my dream." He grips my hand. "Plus, there's amazing people there, you just have to be lucky enough to find them."
"Ella seems like a really great friend." He murmurs.
"She is," I turn my head to see his eyes closed and his face clentched in unexplained fear. "Hey?" I gently squeeze, his eyes opening and I see the same look of loss from when he told me about his brother. When it disappears, I play it cool.

~~~

I feel another tear leak onto my cheek and I quickly wipe away the evidence. I look back up to the sun set, taking in its undescribable beauty. I'm sitting on a wooden picnic table, on a dock, out at a not-so-popular lake. They still care for it, but they lost people after I grew up. Boats, ski's, and even tubes were used on these still waters. I used to come here with my dad when I was younger, and we would go fishing. I mentally laugh at the thought of me fishing. Me? Really, I just tagged along to play with the live bait my father used; such as Minos or baby worms. I refused to touch those long, dark brown, ugly things. (Are they even the same species as worms?) Ew. I rub my nose against my sleeve, feeling the Fall air getting to me. I got to Minnesota just in time for their severe cold weather, but I never sat outside like I am now. I told my mom I had to meet up with Caleb, but I slipped away from him too. I had been gone since three. This place always helped me think before I left. Considering I have been here for almost four whole hours, I'd say I've thought a lot today. I couldn't get that look out of my mind from Caleb this morning, and when my mom talked to me, it was as if I could shatter at any moment.
"I knew you would be here." I hear Justin's voice echo through the hidden trail to get here. It has badly grown over, hiding this spot pretty good. "I had to drive around for about fifteen minutes, trying to figure out where that entrance was!" He huffs as he stands next to the table, looking back up the trail.
"So that disrupting, oil hogger, making all the birds fly away, was your truck?" I casually play off. He shrugs, accepting my harsh tease.
"It was a stupid idea to think a Chevy Truck, a 1978 model in fact, would impress Ella." He pauses, grunting as he joins me and sits on top the wooden table too. "At least I can return it," He laughs and I turn my attention back to the scenery. "So, why you out here?" Justin hugs his jacket closer, the cold air obviously getting to him.
"Just wondered what it looked like now." I lie.
"Really. You're going to try that. I'm your brother. I know you only come here when you need to be alone. What's going on? Are we all swallowing you?" He rants on and I laugh, my eyes staying on their foundation though.
"No," I sniffle, "I just-"
"Wanted to get away from it all?" He sighs dramatically. "I can tell, ever since last nights meal, you haven't really been yourself."
"It feels like your the only one who acts the same around me."
"What do you mean?" Justin questions.
"They act as if they say the wrong thing, I'll crumble to the ground or I'll choose a place over the other. Caleb acts as if he's going to lose me, and he pays it 'cool'. I understand that they all want me to follow my dreams, but it's not like I'm going to be gone that much longer." I huff, holding my head in my hands.
"Well, if it makes you feel better," he wraps an arm around my back. "I didn't miss you at all." I laugh at the irony, but I don't feel like pointing it out. I know he's joking and is trying to raise my spirits, but I just don't feel it right now. "Fine," he pulls away, "let's talk about something else." It goes silent for a while, but then I remember this morning.
"Like you and Ella?" I lift my head.
"Okay, never mind. I should've stayed on that last topic." He groans and I playfully shove his shoulder.
"You two were snuggling." I tease.
"I know." He pulls his hand through his hair, redness traveling up his neck and onto his face.
"Well,"I push eagerly after he takes a long pause.
"Well, Katie and Jackson showed up right after I got done blowing up her mattress. She offered it to them, and decided to 'sleep on the floor'. I thought that was a crazy idea, and that she could have the couch; I would sleep on the floor. We went back and forth and we ended up compromising." He let's out, barely breathing between each sentence.
"But, the, Snuggling...." I bring up once more. He rubs the bridge of his nose, showing his irritation.
"She moves a lot in her sleep. Plus, she she says she clings to her 'body pillow'." I furrow my eyebrows, confused, until it dawns on me that she does sleep with a body pillow since that jerk made a dougè bag move.
"You liked it." I murmur, a smile growing on my lips as I look back at the water.
"What? I just met her!"
"Mmmhm." I hum.
"Prove it." He challenges. I turn to him, ready to see him get embarrassed.
"You were smiling."
I see the blush run up his face again and he burys his face into his lap. My laughter echo's across the water, bouncing on the edges of the rocks surrounding us and comes right back. Justin shoves me and I fall off the table, still laughing, until I stand and fall into the freezing cold water. I start to hear Justin scream in terror, and footsteps coming down the pier.
"Caleb! You gotta-" Justin frantically calls out, but the coldness gets to me and I start to lose feeling in my body. I see a faint figure splash into the water after me and I wish I could scream, but I start to see blackness cover my sight and I'm out cold.
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Thanks for reading!

Sorry, I kinda got stuck, again...
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Tehe  Love y'all!

- Emuna_Jasmine