Love is Hard

High School Memories

I watch as Caleb jiggles his key into the slot. We decided to go to his apartment, so we didn't wake Justin up. When the door opened, I was mesmerized. His kitchen was on the left side of the door, his bed was directly across from the door, and there was a dark room off to the side. I always thought his living area would be like Justin's old one; clothes everywhere, dried old food on the floor, and towels and blankets strewn all over. Instead, his floor was spotless, his clothes were in the hamper in the corner, and the blankets were folded on a bench by the t.v.
"Sorry for the mess..." He said, picking up a pair of boxers that was on the floor. I smile at the knowledge, but I push that away, as I focus on the purpose of being here. He opens a drawer placed against the wall, and adds his underwear with the others. I carefully sit on his bed, placing my back against the headboard. He joins me, but sits in front of me to see my face. I send him a nervous smile, as his jaw tenses. He must know I'm nervous, which would make him nervous. I close my eyes, preparing them for the burning sensation that was yet to come.
"I was a Junior in High School. I was dating this guy named, Peter. We had this idea, that we could both become popular off of each other. I never really liked him like that, but back then, I really wanted the publicity. We dated all the way till the middle of Senior year. I was pretty much over the popularity, seeing how bad it had become. I told him I wanted to be done with it, and to end it all..." I breathe, "but he wouldn't take that as an answer. The thrill he got from being the "Center of Attention" had finally got to him. He started to be violent, abusive, and angry. I hadn't told him officially that I wanted to stop it all, but he knew I was thinking about it." I break, feeling my breaths heavy. "One night, I finally told him I wanted out." I brace myself, yet I feel Caleb's hand grab mine. "He... He..." I feel the tears escape, running down my cheeks. I close my eyes, but I see the images replay in my head. He pulled me into an embrace, making me glad I could finally tell him.
"Did he touch you?" He whispers in my hair. My voice gets stuck, so I shake my head up and down.
"He... He hurt me so bad." I breathe, my voice a whisper, "I thought the pain would never end afterwords."
"What did you do?" I can hear the shaking in his voice.
"I ran to Justin." My breathing calms, but the tears keep falling. "He was a Sophomore in College." I struggle, "He was engaged..." I start to shake, but I pull out of Caleb's arms.
"Justin was in gaged?" I hear shock in his voice. I shake my head, emphasising he was correct.
"Her name was Marie. They had everything planned and set, until I ruined everything." I look into his eyes, seeing comfort and support. "I stayed at his dorm, and I was in a bad condition. He took me to the hospital, he set me up at his dorm, and he housed me for days. I wouldn't move; I was in denial of what happened to me. I would barely eat, he was lucky to get me to stand up. Every time I would see him I would break down crying, every time I slept I would wake up screaming. Eventually Marie gave up on him; he was too busy with me anymore. She left him, broken, because of me." I take a deep breath and try to stay strong. I feel more tears fall into my cheeks. "I soon got strong and my parents helped me get into college, but they couldn't help Justin too. He dropped out, his life declining of the dreams he once had. When I went through college, Justin was always getting into trouble with gangs, and enemies, trying to get money. I eventually let him live with me when my four years were up, and now that's where he is." Caleb wipes away tears that fell onto my cheek. "Every time I look at him, I always think," I struggle, my voice lowers, and more tears fall. "He could've been happy." I fall into his arms again, not planning on leaving them for awhile this time. I ended up laying in his lap as he gently moved his hand slowly on my back. I eventually sit up and ask for the bathroom. He directs me to the darkened room and turns the light on for me. I shut the door and place my back against the wood. I take several deep breaths before looking into the mirror at my face. I'm in there for at least 10 minutes, making myself look at least a little presentable.
While I'm in there I hear loud noises occasionally, pulling my attention outside of the bathroom. I finally work up enough nerve to come out, and I gently shut the door behind me. When I turn around from the door, I see Caleb behind the bar in his little kitchen. I casually stride to the bar stool on my side of the bar. When he hears me huff, as I sit down, he sends me a frustrated smile. I see him digging through pot and pans, trying to find a specific one. I hear him mumble, before praising himself when he pulled out a skillet. He sends me a quick glance before pouring a smooth liquid into the pan.
"What are you doing?" I finally ask, my curiosity extremely noticeable.
"Making you a pancake." He finally stops fumbling and joins me by walking around the kitchen wall. He sits on the stool next to me, kissing my cheek as he did so. "It always makes me feel better." I let out a free spirited laugh, feeling it vibrate through my chest. He turns his body towards the bar table, while pulling his fingers through his hair.
"So, what are we?" I ask, not meaning to emphasize the 'we'. He looks to me, with hope, but understanding in his hazel eyes.
"I don't know. I was hoping you'd tell me." I hear his muffled laugh end his comment. I grab his hand, his eyes glowing with satisfaction.
"I want to take it slow..." I say, realizing at the same time what I was doing.
"Got it." He says, obeying by keeping our touch limited. "I will try not to hurt you." My head turns to him as he restates his words. "We're all human. We're all going to make mistakes! For example, on my first date ever the girl left before I could protest because I burped in the middle of dinner." His teasing made me laugh, making me think how he could ever hurt me.
"My first date ended up with him complaining on how 'I was more manly'." I compete.
"I won't leave you if you belt out during dinner," I smile, squeezing his hand.
"Promise?" He smirks, making me laugh.
He stands to flip the pancake in the skillet; he finally lifted it off the pan and placed it on a glass plate. He grabbed a knife from a drawer and slid it down the middle; delivering it to the bar. He picks up his half and eats it like a taco. I finally pick up my half, noticing the amusement in his eyes. When we finished, we moved to the couch. I placed my legs across his lap, and my back on the edge. He grabbed a blanket and threw it over my legs, warmth spreading through my body.
"Thank you, for telling me today." He says, my eyes opening to see his.
"I was kind of forced into it." I tease, seeing the distant look on his face. I lean up and place my hand on his cheek to turn his hazel eyes to mine. "I've wanted to tell you for the longest time; I just needed a little push." I kiss his cheek and I lay back down. My eyes finally start to feel the aftereffect of crying. I feel relief by shutting them and seeing the usual blackness. I feel Caleb slide my legs off and he squeezes next to my body. His head lays on my stomach and I look down at him; placing a hand softly on the upper part of his back. Before I realize it, we're both drifting off.

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Thanks for reading!
Sorry for the long wait, I just had so much going on...
Hopefully I do much better this time around.

- Emuna_Jasmine