One way or another (Lesbian Story)

Chapter 23

Lexa POV

-Earth, present day-

My mind is everywhere right now. All the new information, all the new feelings... I watch the two people in front of me. The way they walk, the way they look at each other... It's all so strange to me. Lincoln and Octavia must've forgotten I'm right behind them.

"Hey..." This made them remember me. I was definatly not used to people forgetting about me. They looked at me and stopped walking. We were near the entrance that leads to camp.

"What is a hug for?" This was the first time I really cared to ask about their traditions. The girl seemed to think for a while.

"It can be for many things." She said and that let me really confused. How can a simple act like that have multiple uses?

"How so?"

"You can use it to show affection or love, you can use a hug for comfort..."

"Comfort? What's that?" I never heard that word in my life.

"You don't know what comfort is?" Both me and Lincoln looked at eachother and turned our heads from left to right. She looked shocked. Why does she looks at us like that? "Wow! How can you live this long without someone to lean on?" I don't understand what she means. I don't need anyone to lean on, my legs are just fine, I can walk by myself without any help. I think she notices how confused I am because she starts talking again. "Did anything happened to you that made you feel sad?" I think about my parents immediatly. The way my father disapeared and when my mom... I can't think about that right now. Those memories make me too weak. I decided to nod and Lincoln did the same. "Didn't you feel the urge to talk to someone about it?" We repeated the motion from the previous question. "Well then you needed someone to lean on..." My doubts remain.

"You know my legs are just fine, I don't need anyone to lean on." And to my surprise she started to laugh. The man was so confused as I was. And when she looked at us she understood that we didn't get the reason why she was laughing. "Wow! You people are really good at supressing your emotions."

"Supressing?" I asked. She looked at me, shock was clear on her face.

"That is impressive! You really lost the contact with the good emotions that exist... Here's the thing. When you are feeling sad, or anything else, you basically have three options: you can supress it, which is what you've been doing your whole life, you can embrace it and move on, or you can sucumb to it." She said.

"I still don't understand what you mean." I voiced my thoughts and Lincoln agreed with me.

"When you supress something is like you bury it inside of your heart. You hide it from your thoughts so it won't hurt you again. The problem with that is that you can only take so much. And if you don't express what you are feeling, it will eat you inside and eventually, if you don't do anything about it, you will die." She paused. I didn't understand everything she was saying. How could a feeling eat me inside? "Imagine that everything you've ever felt was a panther inside you."

"A panther can not be inside you unless you are dead!" Is she trying to tell me she make a panther kill me? They have strange powers, maybe they can do that too.

"Heda, just imagine, it doesn't matter if it is not possible, it is all just in your head. Nothing is going to hurt you now." Her voice was so soft right now. It helped me calm down enough to hear the rest of the explanation. I decided to do what she was asking and imagine the so called panther. "You've done that?" We both nodded. "Great! Now think that that panther is sleeping in your chest, inside your heart." This is stupid, but I have to try, to understand Clarke better. "That panther has been growing your whole life. Because of the feelings you were taught not to feel. They all made the panther grow." Panthers don't feed on feelings... "And at some moment on your life that panther will wake up and because it grew so big, it can't fit inside your heart anymore. So it will used her claws and teeth to open space so it can breath. But your heart, the organ that bares your emotions will start to be destroyed. And the longest you stay without voicing you feeling, without letting go of that beast inside you, the more it will destroy you, until you have nothing else to destroy. And that's when you feel you have nothing left. That's when you don't see the colors around you... You stop listening to the sounds that nature shows you and the only sound you hear is the panther's roars when it lashes your skin and body. You won't have anything to fight for... You'll only have a hole inside your body with nothing to fill it." I don't know why but that made a lot of sense. "Now, this is the funny part. Someone can come and help you kill the panther once and for all. They have a sword and they want to use it to kill that beast you've been trying to hide. They can help you build your heart again. It won't be the same as it was, it will have a lot of scars. But it can be rebuilt and functional again. That is leaning on someone, that's allowing someone to help you rebuild the destroyed pieces of you. If you find someone who you can trust, you have found the one who will kill the panther." Wow!! I need to talk to Clarke. I need to tell her she is the one I trust. She's the one I want to kill my panther!

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