One way or another (Lesbian Story)

Chapter 10

Clarke POV

-Earth, present day-

I woke up to see a worried Alyson talking to me. "It was just a dream. Calm down." My heart started to slow it's speed and so did my breathing. "You're safe!" With those words an image popped in my head: me and Lexa right before we went to Mount Weather. That kiss... I never felt safer! And then the betrayal. The look on her face and I couldn't figure out if that drop on her face was a tear or her sweat. It couldn't be a tear! Grounders don't show emotion. They aren't even supposed to have them!

"The sun will come out soon. Do you want to go now or sleep a little longer?" Alyson's voice brought me back from the depths of my mind. She looked tired and I got worried. Was she having problems with her sleep? I got up really fast and that made me lose my balance. I felt her hands around my waist and her face was really close to mine. The erge of kissing her again after so long hit me hard. But the only image that would come to my head was Lexa leaning in to kiss me. I quickly nodded as a 'thank you' and Alyson let go of me. I could see a hint of disappointment in her eyes but it was for just a second and then she had her 'I don't care about anything' mask.

We got out of the dropship when the sun was just coming out. Since we realised we were not alone here, I forgot to appreciate the beauty Earth has to offer. So I stood there and took everything in. I would love to try and paint this on a canvas, but it would never be good enough.

"Watching the Earth from space is not enough to realise how beatiful this is." Alyson stood there looking at me a few feet away. "This planet is so beautiful! I wish everyone could just enjoy it... But people are to worried about stupid pride to enjoy anything in life!" She turned around and started walking. I have a feeling she wants to tell me something, but isn't ready yet. I followed her with that thought on my mind. What does she want to tell me? Another memory I wasn't a part of? What happened to her on the Ark?

"What happened to you on the Ark?" I asked softly so if she didn't want to answer, she could just ignore it.

"I got chosen to come here and supposedly die, just like you." The sarcasm was obvious.

"But they only chose the people who were arrested..."

"Yeah... That happened." She paused and I tried to keep up with her. "I heard about your father. I'm really sorry." She was focused on the trees ahead of us. She didn't even look at me.

"I tried to find you when he was taken. I needed you..." I confessed looking to her face.

"You wouldn't find me... I was taken that day to. I tried to tell you but they wouldn't let me." She was holding something back.

"What would you say?"

She stopped and looked into my eyes. I couldn't read her now. At least not like I used to and it was freaking me out. "I'm sorry and I love you." As she finished this sdntence she leaned to me and I felt her lips touch mine. The nostalgia was there but there was no more sparks, no nore excitement. I was only wishing it was Lexa kissing me. Looks like even the heart she broke, craved her with every shattered piece.

I opened my eyes and Alyson was staring at me. "I'm sorry, I had to try." She sounded defeated and I didn't feel like I had anything else to say.

We walked in silence the rest of the way. When we got there the faces of everyone in Mount Weather came to my head. I looked around and there they were. I stopped as I saw them walk to the entrance only to block the gate. Finn was there. He was in front of everyone, like he was their leader. He was the first kill I ever regretted. His death was the first act that made me the monster that killed all this people. His death is and will always be the one that made my heart freeze. I never actually noticed my cold heart untill I saw all those people laying on the fifth floor. Their bodies disfigured because of the radiation I sent their way, because I pulled that lever.

"Ignore them! They are not coming back Clarke, they cannot hurt you or your friends anymore." I heard Alyson's cold voice.

"They don't need to be alive to hurt me. They are gone because I killed them!" I said almost turning back to leave.

" 'A free man is the master of his will, but a prisoner of th consequences.' I read that before we met. It was Aristoteles, a greek philosopher who said that, someone that lived thousands of years ago in this planet. If he knew that, why can't you?" She was looking at me with that passion I fell in love with back in her eyes. "There will always be consequences to all of your actions. All you have to do is learn how to deal with them. And running away is not the best move, I can garantee you that much! Where's the Clarke who led the Skaicru throughout the time we were here? Where's the Clarke who faced the Commander and her generals alone? Where's the girl I fell in love with a year and a half ago? I know she's still in there, I've seen glimpses of her. Just find her already! It's about time you go back to your family and to the people you love. I'll be waiting for you inside." She turned around and walked through the crowd of people only my eyes were able to see. And as she got in they started to disappear one by one untill there was only one left: Finn. He walked to me until he was two feet away.

"She's right, you know? We might be dead because you chose to but you did what you had to do to save the people you care about. Because of you they are safe. I died so you could be safe and happy! So don't let me die in vain." And with that he dissapeared.

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