Little Things in a Forbidden Love

VI. THE TRUTH HURTS

DAWN ZULUETA.

I extended my right arm sideward, expecting to grope Richard's chest. But I couldn't feel the warmth of his body. With my eyes closed, I continued to search for the man I slept with. Feeling no signs of having him around,  I opened my eyes and looked beside me.

"Richard?" I called. A little worried, "Richard?" I called again. But he was not there anymore. Did he leave me? Didn't he like what happened between us? There were so many questions in my mind.

Wanting to know what caused Richard to leave, if ever he did, I recalled what happened few hours earlier. Few hours earlier, when our bodies were electrified by each other... I could still remember the feeling of my head landing soflty against the pillow and the squirming of our bodies against the neat bed sheets.

"I love you," Richard told me as the rush of goosebumps through our bodies became so intense. "Dawn, please tell me you love me, too. Please," he asked, with his lips almost landing on mine and his breath striking my neck. 

"You don't need to ask. You already know the answer," I replied as he traced my jaw line with his nose.

He looked at me in the eye, groped my hair, and then gently ran his fingers through my face. "I want to hear it straight from you," he demanded.

"Richard, I do. I do love you," I assured him. As I did, he gave a smile in return; a smile similar to what made me fall in love with him 20 years ago. When his lips finally met mine, I couldn't stop myself from trembling. I could smell the fragrance of his thick hair as the strands hit my face. We kissed passionately and explored each other's body as if we were back in the 90s. Oh memories. Vivid memories.

And then I was there lying by myself at 7 o'clock in the morning. Remembering everything from that dawn, Richard and I surely had an eternity of our own. So then I put my clothes on and looked for him. Why did he leave my side then? The same question echoed in my head.

RICHARD GOMEZ.

I woke up to Dawn's face resting on my chest and my arms wrapped around her. All I did was stare at her goddess-like beauty, the one I've always dreamt of waking up to, the one I've always wanted to be mine. And as I continued, the bliss I shared with Dawn rushed back to my awareness.

I could still hear her whimpers during our kisses. I could still feel the caress of her hair on my face. I could still recall the intensity that was there in every minute that passed by. I was happy, but at the same time, sad and guilty. Dawn was not even mine. Not anymore. She belonged to someone else and I was committed to someone else, too. But why? I asked my conscience. Why were we alone and why did we make love?

As I brooded over one thing that seemed both right and wrong, Dawn found me. "Chard?" that sweet voice of hers spoke. And I reacted by extending my arm over to her. She placed her hand in mine and sat down with me.

"Good morning, Dawn. Are you hungry?" I asked. But I didn't wait for her response anymore. I prepared coffee for her, and put some bread and ham on her plate. I predicted she was hungry.

"Thanks," she said as she reached for the food. She looked at me as she took her first sip of coffee. "Do we have a problem?" she asked, probably seeing my worries. "Gomz, I know you very well. Tell me," she insisted when I said nothing.

"Dawn," I uttered, reaching for her hand. "We love each other but what we are doing is not right. We might just be in trouble, Dawn and I am worried. Not for myself but for you. I can get through something like this, but you? I don't want you to get hurt," I told her.

Dawn looked down and turned pale out of embarrassment, or pain, or whatever I couldn't tell. "I know," she started to weep. "I know this is wrong, all wrong, but I couldn't help myself. What should I do, Richard? What should I do to forget about you?"

I moved closer to her and allowed her head to rest on my shoulder. Still holding her hand, I tried to calm her down. "If I knew the answer, Dawn, I wouldn't be here sitting right next to you. Even I can't forget you," I admitted.

"It hurts so bad," she complained. "Someone you love thinks you're a big mistake," she cried even harder. And I hated seeing her cry. It's not one thing I could ever stand. But what I hated even more was the fact that it was me making her cry that hard.

"You know what's a real big mistake, Dawn?" I asked as I held her face with force enough to hurt her. "I was the one who did it, when I hurt you over 20 years ago," I claimed, mad at myself. Then I stood up, still mad. "And you know what's another big mistake?" my voice raised, freaking her out. "I let you go and you didn't come back. You didn't wait, Dawn! You did not! If only you did!" I said screaming and pointing hard at her. I was just so angry then.

Dawn looked so scared. She ran away from me crying so hard. As hard as you can possibly imagine, she almost ran out of breath. I wanted to chase her but didn't have the courage to do so. I was the one who hurt her in the first place, so I thought it was just right for me to stay away. I was so confused! If I chased Dawn, I would hurt my family and she would hurt hers. And we did not want that. But if I didn't, I would hurt her again and I would hurt myself, too. And I did not want that. So what should I do? I asked myself.

"Dawn!!!!!" I yelled and ran to the bedroom where I thought she went to. I realized that wasn't the best way to let her go. There must be a gentler way, I thought. Every way would hurt but there must be something that wouldn't make her scared or mad. 

But when I made it to the bedroom, Dawn was no longer there. I searched through the whole place but saw not even a shadow of hers. She was gone, I knew. I drove her away, I realized.

That's not how I was supposed to handle the conversation though. I didn't plan to put the blame on her and God knows I didn't intend to hurt her! If only my temper and frustration didn't get the best of me, I could have told her how thankful I was to have spent precious moments with her; how I enjoyed every second; how I loved the brand new chance she gave me; how I wished we could be together again; and how ready I was to sacrifice.

"I will let you go back to your family, Dawn. It will hurt me for sure, but it's okay 'cause I know you'll find happiness with them. That's a kind of happiness you deserve, one that I can never give, no matter how much I love you." These are the words I wanted to let her hear, words I should have said, words I truly meant. But no, what she heard were words of hate and curse. Poor Dawn. Stupid me. The truth hurts, I know.

Will she ever know what I really wanted to say? I wondered. Will she ever forgive me? I thought. Will she ever come back to me? I doubted. Will I ever find out where she went? I worried.

*Author: I hope you enjoyed this and please let me know if you want me to continue. Thanks for reading!*