It's a weird feeling when you're better, but you're not good.
And for some reason, all you want is to fall apart again.
To sink to the lowest pits of your despair.
To scream and to cry and to ruin your life because, for some reason, you think it's better than actually living it.
But when it's bad... it's the worst fucking feeling in the world and you'd do anything to make it stop.
It's this endless cycle and you've never known anything else.
Never thought you could be more.
Never tried to be.
You float through life, just trying to make it through the day and when you think about your future, the cycle is all you see.
Every up going down.
The rock bottom that you keep clinging to.
And you cry and you whine and you beg, like someone else could make this better for you.
Like there's this switch inside you that you could flip. Like you wouldn't feel it anymore. If only you could find a way out.
But you keep locking the door.
You keep adding bricks.
You keep digging.
Then wonder why the floor you sleep on is so cold and so God damn lonely.
YOU ARE READING
The diary of Seth Alexander
PoesieI write to cope with life, so maybe this might help someone else cope too, idk. Trigger warning for suicidal ideation, S/A, and Abuse. There's not many mentions of them directly as this is more about my emotions and moments of reflection, all neatl...
