Hit Me //Bellarke//

Chapter 15

The rockets fired in the air, the bright red trails lighting up the dark sky. The people standing around her were cheering, but Clarke felt a weight on her chest and her heart was pounding. Maybe it was from the fact that three hundred people could die if the ark didn't see their signals, or maybe it was from the man- with dark curls, tousled from the wind- standing beside her.
Cries of surprise arose from the crowd as the rockets burst into a shower of red sparks far up above them and it reminded Clarke of something she had read in a book. Fireworks, before the nuclear war they had been used for entertainment and celebration purposes. Although this situation was hardly a celebration the sparks that faded like dying embers were beautiful in a way that would never make sense to her. Another set of rockets shot from the ground with a bang.
She turned to Bellamy, who's face was set in a grim line.
She knew he hadn't wanted this, he didn't want the ark to come down, he did not want to face the consequences of his actions. But he had shot the chancellor, he had shot to kill and he would be lucky if they spared his life.
He noticed her eyes on him and he turned his head to face her. She took the chance to ask, "Do you think you can wish on this type of shooting star?"

He tipped his head back up to the sky, the red light-of another explosion of sparks- flashing across his face. "I wouldn't even know what to wish for."
He looked back at her but her gaze was on the fireworks. "I guess at this point I would just wish to survive," she said.
"I think I'd just wish for forgiveness."
Clarke looked him in the eyes, his brown eyes were empty.
"I'll make them forgive you," she said softly, stepping closer to him.
His breath hitched before he chuckled. "That'll be quite the task, princess."
She put her hand over his, not interlacing their fingers, but just letting him know she was there, just feeling his warm skin to steady her. "Not if they know I've forgiven you."
Bellamy's eyes seemed to soften. "I don't deserve your forgiveness," he said, his voice almost a whisper. "I haven't even apologized for everything I've done."
"Well this is your chance, take it Bellamy."

He took a deep breath but his first words came out shaky. "Clarke, I am sorry for just being a plain ass. I'm sorry for doubting you, always going against you, I'm sorry for yelling, and saying things that should not have been said. I am sorry for hurting you when I should have been holding you. I wish that I could take it all back, to start over, but I can't. Its ok if you don't forgive me, but please don't hate me, I do not think I could live with myself if you did. So I know perhaps this was shitty but what can you expect from a shitty person?"

There was silence as she thought about the words he had just said. Clarke didn't know if she believed him quite yet. Trust wasn't an easy thing she gave anymore and she wasn't sure she was ready to give that to him yet.
She stroked her thumb over his hand before looking him in the eye. "I don't think you're a shitty person."
"Then who do you think I am then?"

Clarke had nothing to say to him then, her mind was blank. Instead, she interlaced their fingers and they watched the fireworks, though the only comforting thing about the situation was each other's presence.

***

The constant hum of the machinery of the ark buzzed in her ears while her mother looked down at her with cold eyes. "You are worthless," she spat and Clarke had hung her head. "You are nothing, you mean nothing to me or anyone else. No one will ever love you. How could anyone love something like you?" Her mother chuckled. "You're such a disgrace, I-
And the dream ended as her mother spoke the words, I hate you you to her only child.

Clarke woke up with panting breaths. Most wouldn't consider it a nightmare but when your kind hearted, deceased, mother haunted you every night, spitting every foul word and insult your way... it becomes so much worse then the monster under your bed.

She didn't want to remember her mother for someone she was not, someone who made her fear going to sleep each night. Clarke rubbed her eyes before putting her boots on and lacing them up. She knew she wouldn't get any sleep tonight how she was, so she went to the only place where she knew she would. Bellamy's tent.