✔ Run Baby Run ✖ punk hood au

xxxii - saving grace.

c a l u m:

There's not a lot that scares me. There's a thrill; an adrenaline that excites me but causes others to step back. When I come across experiences that are meant to frighten me, but doesn't, there will always be a smile on my face. But then, in rare occasions, I do find myself face to face with fear - and this was one of those times.

"I think we should break up," the words flowed out of my mouth faster than I could think them, but the words couldn't be anymore true.

I lifted my head from my twiddling thumbs to the beautiful girl sitting in the passenger seat next to me. Gwen gazed at me with hurt in her eyes, and I knew she wanted to cry.

"I think you're making rash decisions," she opinionated, her eyes never leaving mine.

We were silent for several minutes after that. She sat back in the seat, as did I and there was no uttering of words for almost thirty minutes. We sat with the windows rolled down, the wind flowing through our hair and the music percolated through the speakers on a low hum. I guessed we both needed the comfort of a quiet environment to mull things over.

The longer I sat in the car hearing Gwen's breathing, catching whiff of her floral perfume, and just knowing her hand was within perfect distance to hold, did it become hard to let her go. Breaking up with Gwen would be the most unselfish thing I could do. It would mean that she could live a life that's safe, happy, and pure. Breaking up with Gwen would mean she could spend the rest of her time in Australia without stress; she could go home to America without any extra baggage; but best of all, she could go home and forget all about me. It pained me to contemplate a future in which I am without Gwen, but I'd suffer that ache as long as I knew she was happy.

"Cal," she was the first to speak.

I slowly turned my head to look at Gwen, "yea?"

"I love you," Gwen declared, her eyes bloodshot and glossy. She bit her bottom lip as she began to reposition herself.

I watched as Gwen climbed over the middle console to straddle my lap. My eyes widened, surprised by her movements but I wasted no time in holding her. Gwen's hands reached up to cup my cheeks with care before placing a tiny, spark-filled kiss on my lips.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," she repeated over and over again. She paused for a moment to whimper, bringing her hands from my cheeks to around my neck before burying her face in the crook. Gwen started to cry, her shoulders heaving up and down as she held onto me tightly.

"Hey, shhh, baby girl," I cooed, rubbing her back and holding her with protectiveness to my touch. "Please don't cry. I love you, princess. I love you too."

"Then don't leave me," Gwen lifted her head, gazing at me with tear-stained cheeks.

I sighed, leaning in to kiss her cheek, "it's best."

"Can we not break up now?" She asked, though I wasn't sure of what she meant.

"I don't understand," I narrowed in my eyebrows, cocking my head to the side in confusion.

Gwen sighed, leaning down to give me a quick kiss on the lips, "can we do this when I have to go back to America? Because all I need and want right now, is you."

Her words jolted my entire being. I wasn't sure who I was anymore, or why I even existed. But when I gazed into Gwen's dark brown eyes, losing myself in her colorful presence, did I come to an epiphany - an etherial stroke that rattled my existence. It was at that moment, a moment I'd never forget, did I understand why I didn't die that cool, summer's night.