Bayside Queens (BoyxMan)

21.

21.

CJ

I pressed the home button on my phone for what felt like the tenth time in the past 30 seconds. My screen was still blank. With a sigh I typed in my passcode, my "conversation" with Quinn instantly popping up.

Please answer your phone.

Quinn?

Are you awake

I know you're awake.

Just answer me

We need to talk please Quinn please

I guess you figured out how to ignore me when I call.

Goodnight.

Check your voicemails at least.

That was the last text I sent to him, the only thing I could do to try and give my throbbing head a break as tears blurred my vision and images of Quinn's flushed cheeks filled my mind at 2 AM this morning.

I sat at my desk, drinking black coffee, avoiding responsibilities, and trying to tame my thoughts. I knew I made the right decision. I knew Quinn and I couldn't keep doing what we were doing. But how we got to that point was something I will forever regret.

None of it was supposed to happen that way. We were never supposed to go that far, and I was never supposed to leave in such a hurry. I was never supposed to make Quinn cry. But I panicked. I woke up naked, the 17 year-old boy I was in love with hanging off my torso. We had sex. I was now a full-fledged law-breaking, child-molesting disgrace. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I didn't know what else to do but run. I went home and got changed, saying goodbye to Jen as she left thanking me. I sat on the edge of the bed Quinn and I liked to share for thirty seconds before I ran for the bathroom and vomited very ungracefully all over the toilet.

I wanted to blame Quinn. I wanted to blame him for letting this happen, for letting me fuck him. But as much as I wanted to, I couldn't. It was entirely my own fault. I had plans of taking Quinn out to lunch on Sunday in order to calmly discuss our future together, and how I needed these next two months without him. But instead I was a disgusting asshole pig who fucked a little boy then shattered his heart the next morning. It's not like his life sucked enough to begin with, Carter!

I sighed, crossing my arms over the pile of paper work on my desk and burying my face in the crook of my elbow. How could I possibly work when the only thing that consumed me was watching those elevator doors close right in front of me, taking away the only thing I ever truly loved and not being able to do a damn thing about it.

The really shitty thing was that I ruined it. If I hadn't made love to Quinn, if I hadn't panicked and left the next morning and broke his heart, maybe there would have been a chance for us. I would have broken things off in a polite, respectful matter. And then when he turned 18 I would have been the first person knocking on his door. I snorted. Yeah right. Now I'm stuck wondering when he's going to file a restraining order against me.

My phone buzzed next to my slumped form instantly activating every bone in my body. I jumped up out of my chair, grabbing the phone, limbs flailing every which way. Quinn Quinn Quinn Quinn was the only thing that circled my brain.

A text from Boggs flashed on the screen. I felt my entire body deflate. I laughed bitterly to myself. To think he would even text me back. God I was a fucking mess.

I loved him so much it hurt. Hurt. Seeing Quinn hurt was the most pain I'd ever experienced in my life. It was worse than before I was at the foster home, when I lived with my real parents. It was worse than college frat hazing it was worse than ACL surgery it was worse than getting my foot run over by Tommy's truck. It was worse than all of that combined.