What It Cost

Overthinking

Lilly woke up the next morning, the weight of the world pushing in on her eyes. She slowly slid out of her bunk, shielding her eyes from the piercing lights. Wobbling to the kitchen, she shuffled her feet as she used one hand to guide her way, her hand sliding against the wall. The hum of the bus told her that they were on the road, her movements jolting slightly. She kept her feet moving until she found the kitchenette. Opening the fridge, she pulled out a bottle of water and cracked it open, chugging half of its contents. 

"Oh, my god..." Lilly groaned, holding on to the counter top. Her head throbbed, her pulse reverberating against her head

"Lills?" 

She recognized the voice. 

Jolly.

"Mmmh, yeah?" She slowly turned towards the sound, faltering slightly.

"You okay?" 

Lilly shook her head and reached her hand out to him. He grabbed it and pulled her to sit on the couch next to him. She groaned and laid her head on his shoulder.

"What happened to your hands?"

"I don't kn...." She cracked her eyes open a bit and looked at her hands wrapped in gauze. "Oh. I think I fell last night."

Jolly lout out a light, breathy chuckle. One that made Lilly smile. 

"Crazy night?"

"It was a fun one, that's for sure." 

She recounted the night to him. Their sweaty dancing, how they swayed together to the beat of every song, getting to be with her best friend again, the laughs they shared, how they were able to bond like nothing had changed. But before she could even register what was happening, tears were streaming down her face. She brought her hands up to her eyes and used the gauze to wipe the salty tears away. But in her hungover state, she was in no mood to fight it. She let the tears stream down her cheeks, a small sob escaping. Jolly, confused, turned his head to look at her.

"Lilly, are you crying?" 

She put her face in her hands and nodded. "I'm sorry. I was just drunk when I said goodbye to Tasha. Now I don't know when I'll see her next." 

She felt the cushions shift, signaling Jolly had gotten up. Choking on a sob, she did her best to focus on the noise, trying to figure out what he was doing without showing her face.

"Here."

Lilly opened her eyes, blinking away the bright light. Jolly was holding out an apple and two red and blue pills out to her.

"Eat and then take these. Drink water when you take the meds, ok?"

She gave him a slight smile and took the apple from him, biting into it. The juice overtook her taste buds, causing her to salivate. She closed her eyes and groaned softly, chewing slowly. She took another bite, savored the tart liquid. Then another bite. She felt a deep pit growing in her stomach, gnawing its way up to her throat, vying for the rest of the tangy fruit. Just as soon as it was in her hands, it was gone. Jolly watched her devour the apple, holding his hand out for the core. Lilly looked to him then to the now-gone apple. She wiped her mouth on the back of gauze and gave the remnants to him. He tossed it in a small can under the sink and motioned her to take the medication.

Again, she obeyed. 

Jolly sat back down next to her and sighed. "I'm glad you got to spend time with her."

Lilly nodded, her head falling back on his shoulder. She somehow felt better. "Me too..." She toyed with the gauze, unwrapping it slightly. 

They sat in silence, the whir of the bus filling the space.