Porcelain Skin (NOW ON AMAZON KU)

31. Free From Bondage

The rest of the evening goes by in a blur of sober amusement as we play game after game of pool. Mine and Trevor's discussion earlier fades into the background, and it's not until nearly midnight when I'm driving back to my dorm that our conversation hits me. And it hits hard.

There was no doubt I was going to have to corner him soon to get the details about Trinity, or it was going to eat me alive. The way he reacted had my thoughts jumping to the worst scenarios, but there was one I wouldn't allow myself to consider. One, because it didn't seem possible; and two, Trevor's hatred for me would have burned much deeper and for a lot longer, most likely forever, if it were true. If Trinity was gone, then a simple sorry probably would have caused more damage than good. A possibility of friendship would have been out of the question.

That left two more possibilities I could come up with: attempted suicide or drugs. Again, I probably never would have had a chance at friendship with Trevor if either of these were true. What person, in their right mind, would befriend the person who nearly cost them the life of a sibling. It's something I can't comprehend. And to be honest, I don't think I'd want a friendship with Trevor if I had caused a family member to become suicidal. To have to look at him every day and remember I was the cause for his and her misery.

It had to be something simpler. That or Trevor was an idiot for ever trying to make a friendship work with me. I don't view him as an idiot. My mind is swirling trying to come up with possibilities. It had to be something terrible, but not so terrible that it couldn't be forgiven. My imagination was getting me nowhere, except more depressed.

I allow myself to take a deep breath, pushing the thoughts away. Instead, I focus on the best parts of the evening - laughing and feeling free with friends. I hadn't felt that way in awhile. The closest I have felt it is when I'm playing my violin with Merv, aka—my barn.

I'd never felt so accepted before, to be with a group of people who never once made me feel judged or worthless. I was treated with respect and admiration. To have people who genuinely wanted to be with me, and who wanted to be there for me when I was suffering from memories of my past, was blowing my mind.

Lindsey knew everything about me. Everything. And yet, she accepted me completely. She comforted me enough, but not to the point where I allowed myself to fall into a pity party. She was always there to snap me out of it and pull me through. I have never in my life had a relationship with someone which ran so deep they could sense what I needed and when I needed it. It's refreshing and renewing. I feel like a whole new person, but at the same time, I feel like I'm finally me. Just me. Somehow this realization makes me feel like a child giddy with excitement. My new life is just beginning.

Arriving back in my dorm room has me realizing how tired I am, and I'm suddenly hit with a bone-weary exhaustion. I brush my teeth and fall into bed. It's not until a couple minutes later when I'm drifting off that I realize my bed is free of any foreign substances. I had actually washed my sheets earlier today, but I'm surprised that nothing new is crawling around in them. This only means one thing: Mercy was planning something huge.

I smile as I glance across the room and realize Mercy is finally free from the bondage we'd tied her in. Actually, she isn't even in her bed, which is odd because even on weekends she tries to be in bed by midnight. She's a big girl, though. I'm not going to worry about her whereabouts, especially when I can't even keep my eyes open. I drift away to a night of dreamless bliss.

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I wake up bright and early, feeling as though I got no rest at all. I hate nights like that; when you wake up and feel the same as you did when you went to bed, only worse because now you have dragon breath, eye bags, and beastly hair. The most disgusting part about the fact I'm awake right now is that it's only five-thirty. Yep, I'm that girl. The one who rolls out of bed before the sun, the bird, or the worm.

I tie up my hair before plugging in my headphones and making my way towards the building exit. With a quick stretch session, I'm off. I hate waking up at this hour until I'm actually up, and then it's probably the most peaceful place to be. To watch the world come to life is like sipping on a warm cup of hot chocolate and letting its heat melt into the frozen crevices of your body. The sun peeks open its eyes and bathes you in a tender hug of warmth. They have one thing in common: they both chase away the chill.

My breaths are ragged and my legs are tight as I finally fall into a slower pace for the last stretch of my run. I can see my dorm building come into view, and I gradually shift from a jog to a walk as I allow my body to cool down. I redo my hair and jog up the stairs to my floor.

An hour later I'm dressed in a pair of capris and a t-shirt with a duffle bag slung over my shoulder. I whisper a goodbye to Mercy, even though she'll be dead to the world for at least another three hours, and then skedaddle to my car.

I had made plans with my mom a week ago to come visit, so here I was making the two and a half hour drive back home. I'm not gonna lie, I'm excited. My mom and I are close. Like best friends close.

After my dad died she was all I had. Especially when I decided to commit social suicide and render myself friendless. My dad let us both down, but my mom had proven her dedication to me, and most importantly, she had shown me that she would never give up on herself like dad did. My mom stuck by me, and I trust her with my life and her own.

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Please don't hate me for the short chapter. Lol :)

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