Porcelain Skin (NOW ON AMAZON KU)

32. JK

"Mom!" I yell dramatically as I throw myself through the doorway and into her plump arms.

"Miss me?" she asks, but I can hear the smile in her voice. She holds me tight and then ends the hug with one last squeeze before releasing me and grabbing my bag off the floor where I've dropped it.

"Mom?" I ask her suspiciously. "Do I smell cookies?" She doesn't turn around but I can see her shoulders lift into a shrug and a little chuckle escapes her lips as she heads to my room at the end of the hall.

I tiptoe into the kitchen to get a peek at what she's been creating and nearly salivate all over the counter.

"Mom!" I screech excitedly. "You-made-me-dark-chocolate-chunk-Peanut-Butter-Cup-Brownies!" I say it so fast that it sounds like one ridiculously long word.

"Uh huh," she hums as she comes around the corner. "And raspberry jam bars, and blueberry cobbler and..."

I'm pretty sure I have my tongue hanging out of my mouth as I anticipate each word. "And?"

"Lasagna." She looks so proud that I want to wrap my arms around her and squeeze until she pops... out of love of course. It's that same urge I get when I see a bunny or a kitten, or anything cute and helpless. They're so gosh darn adorable that I want to squeeze them.

I'm not sure why that happens? Kind of the opposite reaction that a person should have. But then again, I may not be normal. It's possible the rest of the world would rather lather them with gentle kisses and delicate embraces, while I'm over here trying to literally squeeze my love into them. I can see how people get the wrong idea about me.

"You realize that if I actually eat everything that you've made me, I will die, right?" I inform her. "Like, it's not possible to consume this many sweets and not obtain instant diabetes or intoxication by sugar or something, right?" I glimpse something behind her in the living room and my eyes drop out of my head. "You even got my coffin ready!"

My mom turns slightly to see where I'm looking and then turns back with an excited glimmer in her eyes.

"You like it?" She's pulling my arm along with her as she leads me to the oak casket.

"Uh, yeah?" I scratch the edge of my nose as I look at her like she's announced she's pregnant. "Not sure if it's big enough."

She slaps my arm with a giggle. "It's a chest, you goon."

I stare at her.

"You know, like you store stuff in it: blankets, sheets, games—"

"Ma," I moan. "I know what a chest is. I was just joking. Obviously, my casket will be made of gold, not wood." I reach over and rub her graying hair, but she swats my hand away before I can do too much damage.

She ignores my attempt at a joke.

"So, the lasagna is in the fridge - just remind me to stick it in the oven about an hour before we eat. Your room is ready with clean sheets, and I got us some female movies. What do they call those? Femflicks?"

"Chick flicks," I correct, but she doesn't seem to notice.

She scurries into the kitchen where she pulls out a fresh batch of cookies from the oven. As my nose catches the scent of peanut butter, I can't help but burst into song.

"Oh, happy day (oh happy day). Oh, happy day (oh happy day). When Jesus washed (when Jesus washed) all my sins away. Oh, happy day." I start to repeat the song and have to hold back a snort as my mom starts doing the background echo after each line I sing. She doesn't even realize how cute she looks as she wiggles her butt while plopping batter onto the pan.

Oh, how I've missed this little bundle of joy.

---

We spend the weekend together enjoying multiple 'femflicks' and stuffing our faces with sweets. It's no wonder she's putting on the pounds. I'm wondering if I should be worried. From the looks of it, her only friends are her food. Or, maybe she ate all her friends and that's why she's so lonely... and round.

I throw my arms around her for one last hug before slipping into my Ford and making the trip back to Greenville. It's nearly nine p.m. by the time I pull into the parking lot. I switch off my lights, grab my bag, and lock my doors before trudging to my room. I've only been gone for a day and a half, but that's a long time when it comes to scheming, so I am well aware something is going to greet me when I walk through the door of my room. I'm just not at all expecting it to be... nothing.

There's nothing hanging from the ceiling or crawling in my bed. I even give my toothpaste a quick taste test before applying it to my toothbrush. I'm waiting for something to pop out and terrorize me, but I get cleaned up and crawl into bed without any unusual occurrences.

I fall asleep after scanning the shadows for about an hour. By then I can't keep my eyes open any longer and eventually drift off.

----

The moment I wake up, I know something is wrong. First of all, Mercy is already gone. That never happens. She sleeps 'til the last moment, and after checking the time I know something is up because she would never be conscious at six a.m.

I cautiously roll out of bed but can't find anything out of the ordinary until my eyes land on a box sitting on my desk. I gingerly make my way over and pluck the sticky note off the top of the lid.

Figured it was time for a truce.
Love ya, Roomie! Enjoy.

Yeah, right.

I pry open the lid and peek inside to find six doughnuts waiting to be devoured. I can't help but feel suspicious. I've heard about doughnuts being filled with all sorts of gag-worthy jellies. Mayonnaise being one of the worst.

I pick one up and sniff. Strange. It smells completely normal. Sweet and creamy—if 'creamy' were actually a smell. I pick up another and sniff. Still normal. I swipe my finger across some of the filling and suck it off my finger. I probably should chuck the whole box, but unfortunately for me, I love my sweets. You'd think I'd have had my fill this weekend with my mom, but nope. If hoarding Skittles, Twizzlers, and Peanut Butter Cups isn't a clue, sugar is my weakness.

I finally decide to go for it and take a small bite out of the Bavarian filled pastry. It melts on my tongue. It's perfection. Oh Mercy, how I love you. I take another bite and my taste buds drown in a mouthful of savory euphoria. My eyes are closed, my tongue is smiling, my jaw is quivering, and then everything goes wrong. I can feel the intruder on my tongue. 

I focus on not gagging as I use my tongue to push the twine-like alien object towards the light. I pull the strand from my lips and nearly lose it. I hold the piece of hair between my fingers knowing, by the length and color, that it is not mine. I spit any remaining residue into the box and shut the lid as if it contains a hive full of bees. I have been forever ruined. Doughnuts will never be the same.

Actually, that's not true. I could never give up on doughnuts. It just might take me a little while to forget this stunt.

I rush to the bathroom and yank the door open. Every hair on my body pops out of hiding when a blast erupts throughout the room, making my ears throb and my heart explode up my throat with a scream. I quickly release my hold on the knob and the sound ceases. I peer around the door to find a blow horn expertly attached to go off anytime the nob twists. Very nice Mercy. Give me a heart attack at six in the morning.

That's when I find the note written on the bathroom mirror in bright red lipstick.

JK.

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Ahaha! Oh, what fun! I hope you love Emma's mom as much as I do, and I hope you're all enjoying Emma and Mercy's little pranks. Feel free to share your own prank stories. I'd LOVE to hear what all my evil little readers have done in their darker days. I'd share mine, but I'd have to die of mortification first, so... I guess that's not happening. Muahaha!