Silenced

Chapter 11

The next week went by so quickly, Billie Joe couldn't even remember how many times he was punched hatefully by Steve. He had been avoiding Mike and Tré, scared that they would bring up his father's death and push him to say something about his feelings or emotions. Telling Mike and Tré how he felt was the last thing Billie wanted to do.

The day had come up on him so quick. Billie had been trying to ignore the important upcoming event. That would only cause more sadness and loneliness, to which Mike would ask what's wrong. The day had come up on Billie Joe so quick, that he didn't have time to prepare for it. The day came out of nowhere, threatening to knock Billie over like it was a strong gust of wind. The day his father died.

Sometimes Billie Joe pretends like he can't remember the last words he said to his dad. Sometimes Billie Joe pretends like he can't remember seeing his lifeless body in a hospital bed, expressionless. The lifeless body that had finally given up its battle with cancer. Sometimes Billie Joe pretends that he never brushed his father's thin hair off his cold forehead when he had to say his last goodbye. Sometimes Billie Joe pretends he doesn't miss the times he had with his dad. Sometimes Billie Joe pretends he doesn't know the date of his father's death. But Billie was tired of pretending.

Billie moped around all day with a gloomy look on his face. It was the first time he had felt bad for himself about his father's death. All those times before when his mom told him that they weren't allowed to speak about his father really made Billie Joe lose all sense of emotion. He had never cried about his dad, other than the night he died. Billie went to Mike and cried for a while, but stopped when he remembered his mother's words. That was the last time Mike saw Billie Joe cry. That was the last time Billie Joe had cried. He was numb now.

Billie Joe looked up at the sky and squinted. He wondered if his dad was watching him in disappointment or proudness. He turned his head back to the path he was walking down. The one that lead him to a place he had only been once or twice. A place that he had snuck to once or twice. His father's grave.

Taking off his school backpack, Billie sat down in a crisscross position and cracked his knuckles. He looked up at the neglected tombstone and unsurprisingly saw the name carved into the smooth marble. Andrew Marciano Armstrong. Billie Joe didn't look at the year. He knew when his father died, and he didn't want to believe that it had been that long ago.

The last time Billie had visited his father's grave, it started raining. In a way, it comforted him, as if it was a way of letting him know that his father was with him.

Billie Joe hadn't been to visit a grave with other people before, so he didn't know exactly what to do. He didn't know whether he should talk or stay silent as a way to respect those who passed over. He eventually decided to sit with his knees to his chest and breathe in the chilling air silently.

The ground was damp and mushy under Billie Joe. He didn't like the think about the fact that he was sitting down on the spot that his father was six feet under a thick layer of dirt and grass. He stared at his father's tombstone again, the memory of the day it was put there being cloudy. The funeral hadn't lasted long. Billie didn't even have time to accept it before he saw them lowering his father into the ground.

He hated remembering that depressing day. He wished he could just sleep through the whole month of September and wake up when everything was okay.

Billie Joe stood to his feet then, suddenly feeling that his heart had had enough for the day. It wasn't used to so much misery coming from a sensitive place. Billie sighed before grabbing his school bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

He kicked a lone pebble as he continued his way to what he calls hell, aka home. Billie Joe hoped that Steve wasn't home and had left for 'a drink' with his friends. More like 'multiple drinks' with his friends that would result in him drunk driving and Billie getting beat into the wall. Billie shivered.