Sage

C30 ||Journey Ahead and Her Monsters From Before

There was a moment in time when I almost quit on myself. Not loudly. Not in any dramatic way. But a quiet choice that this world no longer required my protection. I hadn't known peace for a long time. I don't know how it feels between my fingertips. How it smells on a Thursday morning as the sun rises. How it sounds as you close your eyes to rest from the day. No, it has always been surviving. Just push to make it to the next day. Listen so they don't hurt the ones I love. Fight today so I can live to see tomorrow. Protect my world from the dangers only can I see.

I was so sure that it was my time. And as if God knew I wanted it to be my time he sent me something. Faith. Faith not in myself but that these days are only temporary. The day my brothers and father came to take me back home. It became an unspoken lifeline that I didn't know helped me make my choice. It took me a long time to truly believe it though. Believe that I don't need to be here to survive. But to live.

But as I stand here in front of Dom and see the look in his eyes that says he doesn't understand how I carried this alone. I know then that I no longer need to keep living to survive. But I get to live to find peace in this world. While I will always protect and fight. I won't sacrifice my sanity to do so anymore.

"Fuck Ana" Dom says as he brings his hand to rake through his already tousled hair.

I watch as he stands hesitantly not sure if to come forward or run out and get help. I see his eyes dart towards the door and back to my bruised body. He eventually takes a few steps towards me hands hovering so close to my skin I can almost feel the warmth.

"It looks worse than it feels." I whisper keeping my eyes on him. "I usually heal fast but these are taking longer than expected."

"H-how have you kept this from us? This isn't something small Ana." He says frustratedly. "We need to take you back to the clinic to get checked out."

"No." I interrupt him quickly. "No one else can see this."

"See?" He says finally taking his eyes away from my body and locking his eyes on mine. "Sage all I see is my little sister not relying on her family because she feels like she has to protect us from everything. Including herself."

I lower my shirt but stay silent. He takes my no reply as an invitation to keep going. "You need to understand something sweetheart and fast. We are not letting you live this life alone anymore. The days of you keeping things from us needs to end right now. Especially when it involves your safety and well-being."

He said it with so much conviction that it made me pause. I know that they care. I understand that they want the best for me. But it is so hard to accept that I no longer need to carry the weight of our lives alone. But standing in front of him and seeing him plead to let him help shakes something in me. He's not saying this because he feels bad. He's saying this because he cares about me and my peace. And I need to start doing so too.

"I don't know how to let you help me." I whisper holding eye contact.