Beyond Barden (Jeca)

7

The appointment definitely didn't go as planned. There were tears, yes. And hugs. But not the type that there should've been.

Beca wasn't pregnant. There was no baby on the screen, her blood tests were negative. Everything was just negative. Jesse and Beca had been silent up until they reached the car. When they got In, it was quiet but then Jesse's unmistakable breath hitch is what broke everything.

It broke the silence, Jesse's tears coming first. Beca tried to comfort him as best as she could, she was never good with comforting people though. When Jesse started sobbing, his body shaking, sobbing so hard no sound was coming out, beca tried to tell him it was okay. She tried to tell him that they're going to be okay.

While trying to comfort Jesse, she tried to comfort herself. Beca was never an emotional person. Yeah she cried, but when did, it was rare. There had to be a good reason as to why Beca Anne Mitchell was showing any type of hurt emotion. The last time she really had a good cry was when her ex boyfriend cheated on her and left- just like her father did. It reminded her so much of her parents, she cried. But this- this wasn't like her parents. This could never compare.

This pain, this numb geelin, it could never compare to the pain her parents caused her. She was in so much pain, she couldn't cry. She was shutting down, worse than she ever had before. She couldn't show her emotions- she couldn't even feel them. So she just stood strong. She just held jesse to her as he cried and she wondered if she'd be able to cry like that too. For the first time, beca wanted to cry, wanted to be emotional and let everything out willingly. She was being willing to opening up. She wanted to cry. Scream. Kick. Everything.

But she couldn't. Because she didn't feel anything. And that's the worst part, that when she wanted to feel, she couldn't. She had never been pushed like this- to the brink of nothing. But yet here she was, not believing anuth that was coming out of her mouth, and just holding on by a thread.

Beca Anne Mitchell....was lifeless.