phan // one-shots

Quiet

summary: "everyone's important to somebody – you just haven't found the right person to be important to yet."
inspired by this comic: http://www.stanleycolors.com/2013/10/anna-toby-01/ (sorry I don't know how to make it into a proper link but that's the source) 

word count: 2k

t/w: suicidal thoughts, pretty minor (and I promise it has a fluffy end ^-^) 

 In the quiet suburbs somewhere in South England, there's a wide river that likes to trickle between some shadowed forest woodland and a quiet road which leads to a quiet town. At night, when a velvet black curtain embroidered with the universe settles over this quiet little river, it's picturesque. When the darkness turns the occasional rushing headlights into shooting stars, and the stars are like silver pinpricks in the sky? It's amazing. Beautiful. Breath-taking. Quiet. Did I mention quiet?

Nice place for a picnic.

If you walk a little further away from the road, along the high banks of this wide river, eventually you'll come to a small narrow bridge which you can use to cross over into the forest ( well, I say bridge - it's more of a unstable plank of wood). It's just as picturesque as the rest of the scene. Quiet. Quiet is good, I like quiet. Quiet means there's no-one around.
How do I know all this, about the forest and the river and the bridge?
It's pretty simple, actually – the bridge is the one I'm planning to jump off. Tonight.
Which is why I'm currently precariously balanced on what is essentially a thin strip of timber which is probably going to snap at any moment, over a small river that is going to be the last thing I ever see.
Breath-taking. Breath-taking is good. Quiet.
I don't want anyone getting in my way tonight.

***

My name is Dan, and I don't really see the point to life anymore.
I won't bore you with the details. Life sucks, and I thought I could handle it but I can't so here I am, standing on this bridge at 3am in the morning. I thought I could handle the insults, the bullying and the never-ending homework on top of the ever growing existential crisis and self-esteem issues, but I guess I'm not strong enough to do that – and it's not like anyone cares enough about me anyway. I've tried blocking them out, but there are some things you can't just block out with headphones (believe me, I've tried). I've tried pretty much everything but it's like there's this permanent black cloud over my head that I can't get rid of no matter what I do. 

If the universe really cared about me, if anyone at all ever cared about me, then trust me, I wouldn't be here, able to tell you what this wide river a short walk away from a very quiet (and seemingly incredibly homophobic) town looks like at night. I'd be holed up in my room on the internet, trying to lose myself in a book or maybe, just maybe, sleeping like an actual normal person should be doing. Not likely, but still.
Oh, you want to know about the "incredibly homophobic"? Yeah, I'm pretty gay too. Doesn't really help my case, does it – gay emo friendless loser. Even the teachers at sixth form couldn't care less about the bullying; they only wish they could join in without being fired.
I'm honestly surprised I haven't been on this bridge sooner.

How do I end it? It's not like anyone's around to hear me make some sappy monologue, say some impacting truth that will change the world. If a Dan falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? I guess we'll never know. Maybe "Goodbye cruel world" is a bit too cliché, even if no-one is around to hear it. I'll go out with a bit more originality than that. I think "Goodbye, John." is a bit too far as I'm pretty sure not even Sherlock could get out of this one.
It's a cool October night and a gust of wind almost chills me to the bone, so I decide to just get it over with before I freeze to death. I close my eyes. Now or never.

"You know, that bridge looks pretty dangerous."
A smooth & calm voice comes from behind me which makes me jump about a foot in the air and almost fall off the bridge which isn't the graceful end I'm planning. I don't open my eyes.