phan // one-shots

Everything

summary: phil knows dan knows how much he means to him, he just needs to remind him of that - a letter to dan. 

"do I mean anything to anyone?"
"you mean everything to me."
"really? prove it."
"I will."  

word count: 758 ( sorry I promise next one won't be a drabble ^-^)

Dan,

Okay. I'm not very good at this, and I did try to keep this short, but yesterday, with tears pouring down your face you asked me whether you ever meant anything at all, and I told you I loved you and that didn't seem to be enough, so I thought you should know everything you are to me. You are everything to me. So here goes.

You are warm hot chocolate on a winter's day, when we've been walking for hours and I insist it's just a little further when really we've been going in the wrong direction for 20 mins – and you don't get angry, or shout at me for being about as useful with a map as a blind walrus, but you just laugh. You take my hand and we keep walking and find this cosy crammed coffee shop on the corner of a road that's probably around a hour away from where we're meant to be, but it does pretty good hot chocolate (with mini marshmallows and everything!) (that was a good day.) 

It's not the best hot chocolate I've ever tasted though. That's your eyes.

(Okay, I left a pause here for you to throw up if you want – I did tell you I wasn't very good at this. Ready? Okay.) 

You are sleepless nights underneath the stars, eating cake and bitching about the universe on the roof of our apartment. You don't like much of the universe, but we both like cake, and that's good enough for me. It still amazes me how we can talk for hours, and makes me think of late night skype calls from a long time ago, of first dates and pink cheeks. (Remember when you were smaller than me, remember when we met on that crowded train station platform in Manchester? That seems like such a long time ago.) 

You are cuddles and anime and pancakes for breakfast, if you can call it breakfast at half eleven in the morning. I'm honestly surprised we haven't managed to burn down the apartment yet however many times we've come close ( although there are more than a few pancake shaped stains on our ceiling that I can't quite reach). None of that matters when you smile at me, but then nothing else ever matters when you smile at me. It's quite a powerful superpower that you like to use a lot.

You are playing the piano at 3am just because you feel like it – no, seriously, you're playing piano through the wall as I'm writing this and it's still the most beautiful thing I've ever heard, even when I haven't slept in 2 days. Sometimes I wish I could see inside your head and work out why you're practically nocturnal, or why you have accidentals deep thoughts about the universe more often than most. Sometimes I wish you'd just tell me, but then you laugh again at my stupid jokes or dorky clumsiness and everything is fine again.

You are the light of my life, my favourite candle – the one that smells the best and glows the brightest in the dark. When you're illuminated by the night's sky you look like you're made of stars, my own little existential constellation and that's so horribly cheesily romantic it kind of makes me want to throw up again so I promise I'm nearly done. Just one more -

You are mine. (I'm yours too, obviously, I just didn't really think it needed saying.) You are the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I don't think I was ever really in love before I met you, or knew what love really felt like.

It's like falling from a really high cliff and, at the last second, discovering you can fly.

You are my universe, my heart and soul and everything in-between, even when you're lying down face first in our hallway contemplating existence and I've run out of cake. Even when I've had collectively about two hours sleep in a week and all the candles become a fire hazard. Especially when you put up with my stupid dad jokes, make me coffee in the mornings, kiss me softly in the pouring rain, let me win at Mario Kart. Mine even when you hide my glasses so I hide your straightners and you refuse to go outside for the rest of the day. 

You are my everything, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I really really hope you know that.

- Phil xxx 

so my copy of tabinof came early today and I've spent the last two hours just staring at it I think I probably need help I'm so excited I might actually explode 

 a/n I wanted to write another quick little drabble to let you guys know how thankful I am of all of you, every single one (there are so many of you now - where did 4.5K come from! thank you all so much for reading ^-^) and I hope wherever you are, you're having a great day x
this was published so late oops