Memories of Jack & Eliza (BWWM)

Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Eliza

                 I had to get myself on of those journals that Jack has, because he makes it look like that thing saves his life. He doesn't let me read his anymore. I used to read everything he had in there because it kept me connected to him; those used to be the words that kept me from crying every day. His handwriting brought tears to my eyes, his words made my head spin, and I would read something of his past or read his sadness and stroke his hair the next time I saw him. I dreamed of hearing his voice again, and seeing his eyes open. I dream of being in his arms and feeling him his lips touch me.

                So all this time I was waiting for the right moment. Jack has never shielded his body like that, but I should've thought his mind. I should've been considerate.

             I don't remember the last time we had sex, and it wasn't even supposed to go there, but I felt it. I felt the intensity and I loved the way it felt to be l close to him. I missed being close to him and earlier it felt like all the other times before. I guess I was craving him before I even really knew I was. When I was kissing him, my heart was beating and I felt like he was there too.

             I don't know, I understand that it was hard for him. He's insecure and a bit fragile, but he's also put his best foot forward and I saw that. I was attracted to Jack's character. And when he told me about helping Debra, I saw the part of him I loved. I saw the part of him that made me smile when we were younger. I've known Jack as that: smart guy yet he was an asshole to everyone. And I had him in at least one class every year of high school. But during that last year of high school and all through college, he tried hard. He tried hard, because I wouldn't give him a chance. Later on he proved it to me, and carried my heart with him since. So when it was just me 5 months ago, I was silent. I was happy for his sake; I held in everything that was troubling me for his sake. I was perfect for his sake. And I didn't expect him to be perfect for me.

               "I want to be flawless, but I'm not." I wanted to slap him then and there. I wasn't afraid of what Jack looked like now. Yes, he has scars and cuts, and bruises, but I can't stop them being there. I wasn't with him that night. I can only embrace them, and wait for them to go away. It hurt a little bit that he thought I'd talk about them or that I'd be scared to look at him. He is beautiful to me. So damn beautiful. I kept my distance in the bed, but he rolled over and wrapped his arms around me. "Are you sleeping?" he mumbles and I know he's not.

                I immediately think to ignore him and make snoring noises, but I gave in. "No, and I see you are not," I say. "Yeah," He responds and he turns back to his side of the bed. "Do you wanna do something?" I didn't know what time it was and I couldn't really remember what day it was either, but I didn't know if I had to go to work. It was early October and it started to get cold. I don't wanna go on a midnight adventure. "Wanna like go out and look at the stars or like take a walk? Get some food? I don't know," It sounded cute from his lips. And he looked like he really wanted to get out of the house. "I mean...I guess so," I don't know what I thought we'd do, but I followed him out the door. I put on some shoes and grabbed a jacket. This as gonna be interesting.

                    I wondered what went through his mind; because having a midnight drive would never be on mine. He told me to grab some blankets before we officially left the apartment. "Just keep driving, maybe we'll end up somewhere," What the hell was that? I know he felt free and all, but we weren't on a full tank of gas. "Can you give me an idea of what you wanna do?" I say instead of questioning his sanity out aloud. "I wanted to be somewhere, were all you can do is look. And that it would be too quiet for people to talk or do anything." It was around midnight and every place was like that or filled with people at a club. I'd much rather go to a club. "I'm questioning why you are smiling and being so happy. Are you exhausted?" Jack sits in the passenger seat of the car, and gazing out of the window. "I am happy, because I know you'll love it."