stutter

14. - painfully hurtful to read

MARK

When we got home I got into a huge fight with my parents. I already apologized to Rory, but he didn't answer to my last text, which made me even more nervous.

"Do you also know that you basically outed me?" I added and that seemed to make them uncomfortable. "Because you did. What if he's homophobic and doesn't let me stay over?"

Dad let out an awkward cough, "Well, if he's homophobic we don't want you to stay with him anyway..." he was talking really quiet, I could barely hear him.

"Not the point! God I hate it here."

Mom winced at my words, "We didn't tell him you're gay technically, so-"

"Oh, you're right," I cut her of right away. "Because every parent with a straight son will think that their son has a boyfriend. The most heterosexual thing to assume ever," I sighed. I put my fingers through my hair and shook my head. "Whatever. I just don't wanna see you guys right now. I'm serious."

And with that I went to my room then closed my door behind me. I tried really hard to fight back with my tears. I was already out and didn't hide anything about me. It was just... I had no idea what could Rory's reaction be. Yes I suspected him to have, I don't know, maybe some kind of crush on me, but that didn't mean that I wanted him to know that I was gay. 

He could tell anyone in school. I didn't have great experiences with other people related to my coming out, expect my parents and a few randoms here and there. I wiped my face as I checked my phone one more time, but Rory still didn't answered. I bit into my lips as I texted him again.

Mark
can you like keep this a secret? please
i'm not exactly in the closet but yeah
don't want it to be awkward for neither of us
sorry again

RORY

Adam came over eventually after he got tired of my whining over the phone. He had a whole plan mapped out in his notes for me. I was half listening to him when I got a notification.

"Fuck he just wrote me again, what do I do?" I asked. 

"Ask him out."

"I'm serious!" with that he took my phone out of my hands and started typing. "Dude, what are you-"

"Do you trust me?" Adam asked as he typed some more. 

"Not at all," I got my phone back and started reading. "Oh my god. You're insane," I mumbled. He looked at me with a smug smile

Rory
yes don't worry! won't tell anybody
but if you don't mind me asking
are you like full gay?

"You can't just ask somebody that!" I hit his arm, strongly. He winced and glared at me. "What if he has like, I don't know, some kind of trauma related to this? And what the fuck does "full gay" means?"

"Well, I doubt that he has traumas," Adam answered, ignoring the last thing I said. "He would be strongly denying anything then."

"You're disgustingly insensitive sometimes," to that he just shrugged. He opened his mouth, I guessed to somewhat defend himself when my phone lighted up again. We looked at it awhile before any of us speaking.

Mark
yes

"So," Adam broke the silence. "Okay I didn't expect him to be this... I don't know, open? Maybe."

"Then why did you ask him?" 

He ignored me and continued talking, "Shit, what do you do when someone comes out to you? Do you like come out back?"

"There's no way I'm telling him," I felt a small amount of panic in my chest. 

Maybe Adam assumed that I was just shy or something, but it was far more deeper than that. The thought of me coming out to anyone was making me feel sick to my stomach. I couldn't even do it properly to him, nor Mike. I couldn't explain why I felt that way. I wasn't necessary ashamed about me being gay, I just... Didn't want anyone to know about it. Fuck, everything could go so wrong with that.

It could go back to Mom and god knows if she's homophobic or not. The guys on the team would probably react badly. They wouldn't take me seriously anymore. I only knew two of my friends opinions, and yes, they reacted positively, but who knows how far my luck would go.

"Well he needs to know if you want to date him," Adam voice pulled me out of my spiral. He seemingly didn't notice how this affected me or just didn't care. Probably the former though, he would always care.

"He will," I mumbled, and it hit me. "Shit I didn't respond to him, what if he now thinks I'm homophobic?"

"You're overthinking this."

Rory
good to know
i mean it doesn't really matter anyway
i mean it does because it's you
in a way that you wouldn't be you as a straight man

"That was so painfully hurtful to read oh my god."

Mark
lol
thanks i guess?

Rory
yeah anytime
:)

a/n: finished with my exams, so hopefully there will be more updates from now on!

i also tried to write more about the guys' feelings and thoughts, i don't know if i like it or not tho and i'm also not sure if i like the the way i formatted the texting idkk 

thoughts?