stutter

02. - coming out felt strange

RORY

"What's up bro? Your face is pretty red," said Adam as a greeting. He come over (unannounced) shortly after I got home.

I groaned instead of answering.

"Ugh, so dramatic," he rolled his eyes. "Come on, spill."

"Did you really just said 'spill'?" 

"Yeah I heard some girl saying it and I thought that it sounds cool." 

I sat down on my bed, and hugged one of my pillow. "I just acted like an idiot in front of someone. Nothing new."

"You make it sound like you acted like an idiot in front of a crush," he scoffed. 

I didn't tell him about my sexuality, nor about the fact that I have a crush. It didn't matter anyway, there was no way Mark would notice me and like me back. Sad, but true.

"Oh my god..." Adam gasped. "You do have a crush! And you never told me? You're hurting me, Ro!"

"What- no, I do not have a crush!"

"Your silence said enough. Come on dude, tell me about her! Do I know her? Tell me the name, let me stalk her."

I didn't know if Adam was okay with gay people, and I was afraid. We were friends for years now, and I didn't want to lose him over something stupid like this.

I had a plan.

"She has a girlfriend so it's whatever," I lied. I wanted to see his reaction.

"Oh, that's sucks dude. But hey, I bet you're prettier than that another girl."

"...You don't care?" 

He looked at me in a weird way. "I do care about you? Or what are you talking about?" 

"Um, about the fact that she is a lesbian," Adam was not stupid, so I just waited for him to realize what I was saying. Coming out felt strange, it was like I needed to explain why I was different. 

"Don't care. Her loss," he then dropped the topic and started talking about the newest gossips. Although he didn't have a lot of friends, he somehow knew almost everything about everyone.

After a little bit more than a hour, he needed to go home. I walked him to the door, and before we said our goodbyes, I looked behind my back. I debated whether I should come out then or not. I didn't see my mother, so she wouldn't hear it.

"Alright dude, see you tomorrow!" he said and patted my back. 

"Yeah, see ya," I mumbled. I didn't want to lie to him, but I was afraid to tell the truth, so I just stand there awkwardly. Maybe I shouldn't force things that makes me anxious.

Before he left he looked at me for a long time, and chuckled nervously. "Oh god, this is like the most awkward thing ever. If I say that I couldn't care less about you being gay or bi or whatever, will you go back to normal?"

My mouth dropped as I looked him. I did wanted him to say something first, but I didn't expect him to be so... interesting about it.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Don't be," he rolled his eyes. "But can you tell me his name? I'm still curious and want to stalk."

. . .

Next day at school Adam was telling me what he found out about Mark. I was only half listening, because for some stupid reason I hoped that I could discover him by myself, without stalking.

"Okay, I was thinking and I have the best fucking plan ever," he started. "The others already kind of interested in him. Like what does he do in his free time, why he is all alone, you know, that kind of stuff. I bet they would like him to sit with us at lunch."

"Nope, no, absolutely no way," I shook my head. "I just told you that I could not speak in front of him. Do you really think that it would be better if everyone's watching?"

"Well, you need to start somewhere," he shrugged and I groaned.

I appreciate that he wants me to be happy, but I wasn't ready. Especially after I asked him if he wanted to buy diapers because what the fuck.

"We don't even know if he's gay. He could be straight," I added.

"I asked the lesbians 'who gives off the biggest gay vibes' and they all said Mark," he stated proudly. I was ready to argue back when I fully realized what he just said.

"The lesbians? Adam, what-"

"You know the kids in the gay club or whatever? They're like a fucking cult. Anyways I walked up to them and asked them," he shrugged. "But, uh, now they think that I'm a closeted bi. They begged me to join their club," he muttered the last part.

I laughed loudly as I watched his face becoming red. I had the best fucking friend in the entirely world. I was glad that I gave him a chance. The others on the team wanted to be friends with me as well but I don't know if they would've been fine with people thinking they're bi, just to help me.

"That's what I got for not outing you ass," he rolled his eyes. 

"Who knows, maybe you are a closeted bisexual."

"Yeah and I also have the biggest crush on you," Adam joked as he lightly pushed me. "But honestly. Make a move on the kid or I will."

Oh god.