Aoharu x Kikanjuu One Shots

Matsuoka Masamune (Mattsun) x Reader

/This story contains self harm/

Another cut. Blood flowing down your wrist once again.

You just couldn't take it anymore. All those insults, all those people who hated you and wanted you to leave this world. Everyday you would hear the same things over and over.

'Fat', 'ugly', 'useless', 'stupid'...

As you recalled those words, you couldn't help but cry even more. Your tears streaming down your face as you stared at your arm full of scars. Every time you felt bad, you would hurt yourself thinking it might help you in any possible way since you had no idea what else you could do. Your parents never noticed that you harmed yourself and you thought it was simply because they didn't care about you and never wished to have a loser like you as a daughter.

The only person who actually cared about you was your boyfriend, Matsuoka Masamune. He was the only reason you didn't end your life sooner.

You would always put a forced smile whenever you were with him. He made you really happy. He made you feel loved. But you never told him. You never let him know how people treated you when he wasn't around, and what you were used to doing alone in your bathroom. You never planned on telling him but it seemed like today was your limit. You didn't want to suffer like that any longer. You wanted to rest peacefully and you already made your mind about what was next for you.

You knew your life wasn't a movie. Even though he was one in your eyes, Masamune wasn't going to save you like a prince on his white horse.

Simply because you were no princess.

You sniffed as you put the letter you wrote for your boyfriend on your bed. You couldn't help but cry since you knew you will never see him again. But you wanted him to be happy. And to your eyes, being in a relationship with you wasn't going to make him happy.

You knew you were being selfish, but you couldn't do anything else. Even someone like Mattsun couldn't help you getting better. He couldn't prevent those people from bullying you. After all, he didn't know that and he didn't need to. He had his own life to live and you knew you couldn't be a part of it.

Your decision of leaving him that way was probably the hardest one you ever made. He would probably be devastated but you hoped from the bottom of your heart that he would live on and try to understand why you did what you did.

At first you have thought of breaking up with him but you knew you couldn't. You couldn't tell the only person who loved you that you didn't want to be with him anymore. It didn't sound right. You loved him and you never wanted him to think otherwise while you were still here.

You walked back to your bathroom and stared at the red substance scattered on the floor. You didn't think about anything anymore and added more of your own blood until you felt your eyelids getting heavier.

"I'm sorry Mattsun," you whispered, "I love you. I love you so much."

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The blonde haired boy couldn't believe what they were saying. His girlfriend, his (F/N) ended her life.

How could he never have noticed she was in such a state? Why would she do that? Why would she leave him without saying anything?