Die In Your Arms

Chapter 10 - The Pain Is Better.

I nuzzled into the rocking chair near the window. I watched the rain pour out on my window pane. I sipped on my tea and sighed, forcing myself lower into the chair. I stood up and sat my tea down on a table. I adjusted my beanie and fell onto my bed. I frowned at the thought of the girl's fist marking my nose, the blood rushing. I felt a slight shift on the end of my bed.

"We're going to have to take you out if school for a while," the soothing voice of my doctor said. I nodded, but my head pounded. I felt awful. I got a hug and a kiss, then she left. Soft footsteps came toward my room.

"Hi." said the tiny voice. The voice belonged to Emily Grace. She smiled. Her smiles make me feel at home. She wrapped her tiny arms around me.

"Alexa, what happened?" she pointed at my nose. I looked around and sank further down the bed.

"Some girl hit me at school, so I'm getting taken out." But then it all hits me. The one person I had only ever trusted in that school. My friend. My only friend. Jessie. The girl who changed my entire world. The only one who never bullied me.

"Alexa?" the small voice brought me to reality.

"Yeah?"

"Were you bullied?" I nodded. She sat on the end of my bed, scooting closer and slid beside me.

"You're my best friend, Alexa."

I smiled warmly. I pulled her close and closed my eyes. I could shut it all out now.

But I woke up from the worst dream. I relived my worst moments. Getting teased, hit, pushed, shoved. I opened the cupboard which hid my pills I had bought when I first wanted to overdose. But, it didn't happen. I locked my door. The tears poured down my eyes. I looked down at my baby bump. I threw the pills on the ground.

"I can't do it!" I shouted softly. I cried harder. The sobs escaped loudly through my throat. I threw my head in my hands. I pulled out my knife, weary eyed, I made 3 more cuts. But on both my thighs. The sobs were louder. I cried harder. My pillow was soaked by now. No one accepts me. I'm a freak!

The sobs got louder and louder. Then, a knock on my door. I unlocked it and forced myself back in bed. I cried more and more. Dr. Dotson came close. She wrapped her arms around me.

"What is it?" she asked. I sobbed louder. Through the sobs I said,

"I want to die!"

The sobs came even louder by now. I couldn't stop crying.

"I hate my life. I'm just a joke! I've ruined my life! I have a creature inside me. I have cancer I'm depressed, bipolar, suicidal. I'm a freak to society!" The list went on and on until I didn't speak. My voice trembled. I sighed, pulling up my sleeves revealing the armful of cuts and the few on my thighs. Even though I'm bleeding and bruised, the pain is better.