Die In Your Arms

Chapter 12

My air comes put in pleading gasps, lungs tight against my ribs. As if they had grown 4 times larger. I felt eyes on me, watching my every frantic move. My body was trying so hard to breathe, so hard to continue on, but my soul didn't want this. My soul was dark and dead and far gone.

The voices came back from my head. They whispered riddles and secrets and lies. They told me I needed to go, I'd find relief when I died. But the worst part of it all is, I believe them.

"Help," the word escaped my dry lips. It was the first word I'd said in weeks, because the voices told me no one wanted to hear whatever I had to say. The word had came out weaker than I had intended it to, it made me sound weak and frail. But I knew I was. A sudden sharp pain shot my insides. It was all over my insides. My lips parted and I yelped in pain.

"Shhh...shh," whispered the voices. "It's okay. Your soul's breaking free." My eyes wriggled in confusion.

"No, no, no!" I told the voices. "It's just the cancer, my soul's trapped in my skin and bone, I locked it up."

I looked up, looking at the questioning eyes. My doctor sat down on my bed.

"Could you tell me, you know you don't have to or an-"

I screamed, my head went fuzzy. My hand spun and threw up.

••

"Sweetie?" my mom asked me.

"What, mommy?"

"They're going to take tests, okay? Just pretend that it's a big slide that pushes you in and out. It'll be real fun, ok?" I smiled.

"Like at the place with the ball pit?"

"Yeah," she smiled at me. I knew it was fake, but I didn't care. Mommy hasn't smiled in a while, and that's the only thing I had to hold onto. She held onto my hand, and in response I squeezed hers.

••

My eyes opened, my breath short and quick. An IV ran up my arm, I was on medication. I also had my antidepressant on the tray, which I'd have to take soon.

I closed my eyes.

Why try?