Random Frerard Fluff [ONE SHOTS] [COMPLETED]

the flying penis

ERA/AU - set in the summer of like
WARNING: CRAZY CRACKFIC. READ AT YOUR OWN DISRECTION.

gerard and frank were sitting at the tour bus dining table, eating some stale ramen. it was cold and, slightly alarmingly, crunchy. worst of all, it was served in a slimy sauce. they ate in silence. frank glanced up uncertainly, looked at gerard, and thought hes have the hottest frontman ever imso. gerard caught him staring.

"this ramen is good" he commented awkwardly with a forced smile.

"its shit" said frank

"i know" gerard said gloomily. "where are mikey and ray again?"

"they went out for a walk this morning"

"oh okay"

frank slurped up the last of his ramen and got up to wash out his bowl. he walked over to the sink, and as he approached, he heard a small, high pitched whine, the frequency almost making the noise sound like a buzz. he reached the sink and looked in, gasping loudly in horror and jumping back. gerards head snapped up.

"frankie?" he asked, frightened.

"g-gerard" frank said softly, stepping backwards. he angled himself around the corner of the bench behind him and then sprinted across to gerard. he hid behind the older man and he totally could cause hes short af.

then gerard remarked, "whats wrong?"

"p-p-p-p-pee pee"frank stuttered.

"no!" gerard inhaled sharply.

"yes" frank said solemnly, and gerard could feel franks head nodding into his back. frank was pressed up close to gerard, his bulging crotch pressed into gerards bum.

has frank got a boner gerard wondered fleetingly.

"it- it has a- has a broken wing" farnk interrupted gerards thoughts as he croaked quietly, a small strangled noise, laced in fear.

"nO"! gerard cried. "how did it get in here!"

"ray or maybe mikey must have left the door open this morning when they left and it got in. it mustve known to close the door behind it so we wouldnt suspect a thing"

"clever girl" gerard growled under his breath

gerard began to slowly walk toward the sink, and peered in. there it was, all pink and fleshy and innocent, lying dejected in the sink. its wings shuddered, and gerard could clearly see a break in one of them.

"should we help it?" frank suggested, still scared, following gerard to the sink.

"i think so. i mean, if my penis had a broken wing, id want someone to help me"

"yeah" frank agreed. "amen"

so gerard picked the little penis out of the sink and poked it. it squished under his finger so that gerard knew it was still alive, but only barely.

for the next few weeks, gerard and frank looked after the penis together, like dads. they had good times and bad times, especially bad when the penis started to mature into its teenage years.

"its so angsty these days" frank said one night after theyd managed to get the penis to sleep. "reminds me of me, back when i was in pencey"

"true" gerard said with a sigh.

the next week, frank and gerard began trying to teach the penis how to fly again. they ran around flapping their arms like mad men, while the penis sat there and squeaked with laughter. then, after almost three months, the penis was fully matured and its wing had healed completely. frank, gerard, ray, mikey, and pete wentz all stood outside the mcr tour bus as gerard held the penis in his hands. frank was teary eyed as gerard exclaimed,

"oh, little penis! you are not so little anymore! we will always keep you in our hearts, but now it is time for you to fly away and live the rest of your life in peace. be free!"

"we'll always love you!" frank shouted as a tear rolled down his cheek. he blew a kiss to the penis as gerard threw it far into the air. the penis faltered and stumbled a bit at first, but after a while, it set a steady flying rhythm. it zoomed around for a bit, high up in the sky, and gerard turned to frank to wipe the tears away. frank put his arm around gerards waist.

"just look at him go" gerard sighed happily yet sadly.

"same" frank sniffled.

"can we go back inside and play video games now?" mikey complained. ray shrugged; he was chill so he didnt really mind what they did. pete wentz kind of just stood there.

suddenly, a huge fapping noise erupted. it was so loud that the vibrations made the ground tremble and ray fell on mikey, getting tangled up in mikeys awkward lesbian knees. pete wentz kind of just stood there and watched with a small, content smile. frank clasped gerard tightly, and gerard clasped frank too. they shook with fear and frank raised a shaking finger, pointing to a gargantuan penis that had risen from nowhere and covered the light of the sun. they were now all covered in a film of pink light, shrouded around them like a veil.

the penis began to speak. "gerard and frank, i owe the life of my son to you, and i am forever grateful. do not be afraid." the penis became transparent, beginning to fade away. "lead good and happy lives, the both of you. you deserve it for your kind services to my child."

frank and gerard nodded quickly, arms still wrapped around each other in shock. "also" the penis added "i must commend you mr wentz, your dick is very worthy. to quote brendon urie from the future, 'its not a bad dick'". pete's mouth dropped open, but he said nothing. ray and mikey watched silently from the ground.

finally, the giant penis disappeared. then, to everyones further astonisment, frank and gerards little penis suddenly flew down from the sky.

"FIP FIP FIP FIP FAP FIP" it cried.

"whats it saying!" "i didnt know you could speak" gerard and frank said at the same time.

"wait" pete said abruptly, startling everyone. "i can speak penis, i got this"

he walked up to a foot away from the penis and listened to it intently. "uh huh, yes, mmhmn" he was mumbling. he turned to gerard and frank and said, "the little guy wants to thank you. also, he recommended that you guys hook up." the little penis then said goodbye to everyone respectively, before flying away forever to another emotional farewell. ray, mikey, and pete, went inside the bus to play wii sports.

as soon as they were out of sight, frank swooned into gerards arms face first and mashed his lips up against the older man. gerard, surprised as hell, stepped back when the kiss ended.

"what was that for?"

frank shrugged. "cause, well, i love you. and you know what?"

gerards throat constricted and butterflies erupted in his stomach. he felt a happy feeling spread throughout his body.

"what?" gerard asked, biting his lip to keep from smiling in the intense moment.

"im an idiot. cause it took a small injured penis and its giant future-telling teleporting mother to give me the courage to tell you so"

"but"

"yes gerard?"

"i think i always knew"

frank blushed and gerard took his hand.

"i love you too,frank."

the end.

A/N

ive been gone for like a month im SOso sorry school has been so busy omgomg

love you all though

dedicated to zee

-olz