Kai Parker One Shots

Chapter 56

I listen numbly to music, hoping to take my mind off of what happened over five years ago. Unfortunately, a song comes on that reminds me so much of him, of Kai, that it feels like a slap to the face. I sit, slowly falling apart, trying not to cry and failing utterly.

"Mommy, why are you crying," Charlotte asks. Naming her Charlotte was his idea.

"I just miss your dad. I'm fine baby," I wipe a few tears off my cheeks but more replace them. My throat feels like a knot is stuck in it.

"Here," she hands me a picture. It's a drawing. "It's me and you and daddy. But I didn't know how to color him. Because there aren't any pictures," I took all of the pictures down because they hurt too much to look at. And now, she reminds me of him every day.

Losing him was blue like I've never known

I remember that night like it was yesterday. I remember Jo's screams and then the blast of glass that hit us all. And then Kai becoming a vampire. Him almost killing Bonnie. And then Damon killing him.

Missing him was dark grey all alone

For years I haven't been able to move on. I haven't been able to rid myself of his piercing eyes, his face. His laugh. Everything about him haunts me.

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
I tell myself it's time now
Gotta let go

Every night I remember something. Something about him, us. How happy we were. How I was going to tell him about our baby the next night. Little did I know then that there wouldn't be a next night.

"I love you mommy," Charlotte hugs me.

"I love you too baby," I hug her back.

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"Mommy, am I evil like daddy?" I nearly choke on my food.

"What?" I ask. Who told her that?

"I asked Aunt Bonnie about it. Uncle Damon said that daddy was an evil man. A bad guy. Does that mean I'm evil too," she asks, swirling her food around on her plate.

"Of course not baby. Your daddy wasn't as evil as everyone says. He had some bad times, but he wasn't evil. And neither are you," I tell her.

"Aunt Bonnie says daddy tried to kill her," she says, looking at me. What the hell Bonnie?

"I'm sure she was just pulling your leg baby," I brush her hair down.

"Uncle Damon says it's true," she tells me.

***********************************

"I haven't decided what to tell her yet," I tell Bonnie, angry that she would tell Charlotte anything about Kai without asking me first. 

"You've had five years to figure it out," Damon wraps an arm around Bonnie's shoulder.

"Do you really think I want her to know just exactly what Kai did? Every bad thing? Do you think I want my daughter to grow up thinking her dad was a monster?" I demand.

"Look, I'm not saying you have to tell her everything, but you should tell her about Kai," Bonnie looks at me. She's judging me in her head, I can tell.

"What am I supposed to tell her? 'Your dad killed his family, nearly killed Bonnie, killed Damon several times and then got himself killed?" Why can't they understand that this is hard?

"You chose to be with him. Now you've got to deal with it," Damon smirks.

"Besides Charlie Kai was the best thing that's ever happened to me," I tell him. My voice is fading fast and I can barely speak. It feels like I'm pushing my voice through wet concrete.

"Don't cry," Bonnie tells me. How can I not cry?

"I just miss him so much. And being around Charlie every day, she looks just like him," I can't see clearly because of my tears. Bonnie just looks at me and I walk away.

Why did I go there in the first place? Why did I walk into the house of my fiancé's murderer? Why did I even talk to them? Why didn't I stop Kai that night?

I sit in my car for hours, resting my head on the wheel as I cry. Why hasn't it gotten easier?

Moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head
Burning red

***********************************

"Guess what mom?" Charlie walks into the door.

"What babe," I tell from the kitchen, boiling the water for spaghetti.

"We had a great day in history. We talked about this guy who killed his family in Portland. What's his name?" She thinks for a minute. "Malachai Parker," my breath catches. "Who would kill their family with no remorse?" She asks.

"Baby, I knew Kai. He didn't feel remorse because his family was awful to him for twenty two years. They called him an abomination, they didn't involve him in anything. They were horrible people towards him," I reply carefully.

"It sounds like you're defending him," she narrows her eyes.

"So what?" I demand. Can't she make the connection? Didn't she see how alike they look?

"So what? People thought we look alike? How horrible is that? I mean seriously, it's awful," she scoffs, disgusted.

"Kai was your father. Don't ever talk like that ever again," I turn around. She flinches like I slapped her.

"My dad? Was a monster?" Tears fill her eyes and she turns to go to her room.

"Listen here young lady. Your father loved me. And he would've loved you. He was not a monster." I yell.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me," she screams and storms out of the kitchen.

"Kai, why aren't you here? Aren't you supposed to help me," I whisper dejectedly and pull the water off the stove.