THE PLAYLIST

{bts} 02. Hold Me Tight

This story is inspired by the story 10080 in asianff. exobubz-unnie, hello! idol po kita! mahal ka po ng swaeg ko. <3

NAMJOON:

Being a leader is never easy. It wasn't easy handling your crazy members. To be their guardian, big brother, teacher and protector is not an easy responsibility. It was tiring. Even the things I love doing seemed to tire me out like writing lyrics, producing and making good songs, non-stop practice. Being an idol was never easy; there were people following you, cameras capturing every move that you do.

But never did I give up. I've learned how to become strong.

Despite of the hardships, Kim Namjoon is still alive...still in the game

"Namjoonie~! Dinner's ready. Come here and eat. Yah! Kim Namjoon!"

I can't stop myself from smiling, despite of hyung's high-pitched almost crack voice. Even though I was busy finishing doing the mixtape which is soon to its due, I didn't hesitate to leave it in front of the computer as I head out of the door.

One of the reasons why I keep holding on was the guy wearing his pink apron, the guy who's happily serving foods to his dongsaengs.

Kim Seokjin

"Oh, good you're here. I thought you're going to stay there forever." he jokingly told me. He held my hand and guided me towards the nearest seat.

I can't take my eyes off hyung, the heat of his palm gave strength to my tired and energy-drained body. As I sat down, I squeezed his hands which surprised him yet still managed to smile back at me.

"Stop what you're doing guys or I'll vomit all the food I've eaten since yesterday." Hoseok jokingly said which made us laugh. I smirked at his words as I slowly let go of Jin's hand.

Jin smiled at me, and all I can do is to return his sweet smile.

*****

Weeks passed roughly. There were a lot of photo shoots that we attended, variety shows, live performances and the killer practices that we undergo every week. These were all preparation for our incoming come back on the last week of the month. And as I assess it, this comeback will be the most daebak of all.

All of the members took part in making lyrics and producing songs. Suga, Hobi and I overworked for the album. Nonstop editing of beats, arranging of songs... it was an endless cycle for us.

I was darn exhausted. The rapper line almost slept inside the studio just to finish the whole album. The studio served as our dining room and our sleeping room. Sometimes, we forgot to eat, to bath, to bond with other members...we sometimes forgot that we have a life outside that crowded studio.

And as I strive to be on top, to be the best leader, to have the best song and kpop group, there were things I kept missing and lacking—those were sleep, time, patience.

I didn't realize I was losing myself.

I was losing Kim Namjoon.

I stepped out of our studio room; I needed to make some coffee to keep me awake. I slept for just a couple of minutes inside the car while we were traveling to BigHitBuilding, and I haven't slept for about 19hours ever since. As I passed on the living room, I took that chance to glance at the clock hanging by the wall. It says 3:45am. Soon, the sun will rise, there were things we need to do tomorrow. I know I should be resting. But right now, the word ''break'' was not on my vocabulary.