I'm Not What I Seem [COMPLETED]

Chapter 14

Clary POV

When I'm discharged from the hospital it's like the best day of my life. My dad has to stay in the hospital for a few more days so it will just be me and Aline at the house. I'm packing up my sketchbook and the books she brought me when Jace comes in.

"You're good to go. You ready?" he asks.

"Definitely," I state shouldering my backpack and taking his hand. I kiss him quickly before we walk towards the exit. "Please tell me you've been taking care of my baby," I say as we get into his car. He laughs knowing my 'baby' is my motorcycle.

"Your bike is fine. I made sure to follow the instructions you gave me. They're very thorough to be honest," he says laughing slightly.

"That bike is the love of my life, Jace," I state smirking slightly.

He smirks right back at me. "Let's see if I can change that." He leans over and kisses my softly, but passionately. I wrap my arms around his neck and sigh into the kiss. "I love you Clary," he whispers as we pull apart.

I smile brightly at him. "I love you too Jace."

He starts driving and we talk most of the way. About half way to my house Jace asks, "Who's Mark? You were calling out for him when you couldn't remember us."

I sigh slightly. "Mark was--he was my boyfriend back in Chicago. He was abusive and a jerk, but I couldn't leave him. Every time he would do something against my will, sexual or not, be would make it seem like it was my fault. And I believed him. I was terrified of him. I thought the only way to escape him was through--." I cut myself off. I haven't told Jace about my attempt yet.

"Through what?" Jace asks as he glances over at me curiously.

"Don't worry about it," I say. He gives me a look so I add, "I'll tell you when I'm back home."

So he drops the subject. We talk about different things for the rest of the drive. We're just about to pull into the driveway when I get a text from Jonathan.

You okay? Haven't heard from you in a week.

I quickly text back before getting out of the car.

Yeah. Been in the hospital. No big deal.

I put my phone away knowing I'm going to get an earful--or eyeful?--from Jonathan later. I grab my backpack again and walk towards the front door. When I open the door I freeze, hit with memories from that night. The pure fear I felt when I saw the gun. How I couldn't even move when he pointed the gun at me.

I don't even realize I'm crying until Jace wipes away my tears and kisses my temple as he brings me close. "You okay?"

I nod a little. "I'm gonna have to get over it at some point right?" I walk in and do a once over of the place before heading up the stairs. I immediately go for my drawer and take the note out. I sit on my bed, holding it and looking down at it.

When Jace walks into my room I start immediately. "I tried to kill myself. To escape Mark, I slit my wrists. I was getting wasted every night trying to forget the things he did and I wanted nothing more than to die. I was ready, but Aline found me. I was in the hospital in a coma for a month. I got a little better after, and I kept my suicide note as motivation to at least try to get better. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to know about my rock bottom. I was scared you'd see his broken I really am. But then I got shot and it was like I was conscious but I couldn't wake up. I realized then how much I needed you. And I knew I couldn't ever really be with you until you knew the truth." I hold the letter out to him. "You can read it if you want. And if you don't want anything to do with me after I understand."

He warily takes the letter and opens it. I close my eyes as he reads it. I don't want to watch his reaction, whether it's angry or sad or something else.

I feel the bed sink next to me and Jace pull me into a hug. And I let it all go. I let the tears I've wanted to cry for years out. Jace doesn't try to tell me it's okay because he knows it's not. When he whispers, "I'm not going anywhere," I just hold him tighter.

I press my lips to his and kiss him with need. He immediately returns it and holds me close while we kiss with a hungry passion. For a while we're just making out, then I decide to be a little bold. I take his shirt and start to pull it off his body.

His hands find their way to the hem of my shirt. He looks my is the eye, asking with his 'Are you sure?'. After I nod it seems like a dream. Little by little pieces of clothes are removed from us both. And when it finally happens, I feel different.

Different from how I felt with Mark. Different from how I felt with every other guy I had a meaningless one night stand with. This feels right.

And when it's over, I lay with Jace in my bed. I can feel as his breath steadies and I pull his shirt closer around me. His arms wrap around me protectively, even in his subconscious. Nothing can beat this. Not memories of my abusive ex, not my brother texting every five minutes asking what happened. For once, everything is perfect. And for once, I can except that. For now, I'm happy.