I'm Not What I Seem [COMPLETED]

Chapter 23

Clary POV

After talking with Charlotte last night I'm pretty frustrated. I thought I'd gotten over all of my feelings for Jace a long time ago. I thought I was prepared to be here for a couple months and then disappear again. But now? After that talk I had with Jace last night? I'm just not sure.

It's like I'm sixteen again back when I was trying to fight off my feelings. After all, to love is to destroy and to be loved is to be destroyed. That's what my dad said at least. After my mom cheated on him, he thought love was pointless. Not the kind of love you show a child, obviously, but the kind you show to a significant other. Sure, there were women here and there; but it was never as serious.

All this relationship talk is depressing me even more. I should go somewhere and do what I always do--drink away my sorrows. So, I whip out my phone and text none other than Magnus Bane.

Clary: What's the 411 on parties?

I sit and wait for a minute before my screen lights up again.

Mags: You've lucked out Biscuit. I just so happen to be throwing a party for a VERY important occasion.

Clary: And what occasion would that be?

Mags: Chairman Meow's birthday, of course.

I laugh slightly before I start to type my response.

Clary: Remind me to wish him a happy birthday while I'm still sober.

I toss my phone aside and start getting ready for the party. I go into my closet and pull out a black dress which only goes about half way down my thigh with a kind of deep neckline, spaghetti straps, and lace revealing some skin on the sides. Once I have the dress on, I pull on some black fishnets and go to the bathroom to start on my hair.

I want to try something new today, so I get out my Nume straightener and start straightening. After at least thirty minutes, my hair is straight and I'm pinning the front back so I can do makeup.

Once the necessary powders, concealers, and liquid foundation are on, I go to my eyes where I put on my usual dark eyeshadow and skillfully lighten it with a gold. After that I do my winged eyeliner and finish it off with mascara. Finally, I put on a dark red lipstick before filling in and shaping my eyebrows.

I finish off by pulling on a pair of black lace up boot heels with a thick heel. Yes, I'm still obsessed with that kind of shoe.

Once I have everything done I pull the bobby pins out of my hair and let the front pieces fall back to my face before I make sure all the correct earrings are in the correct places. I grab my purse and head out of the hotel room and straight to the elevator down to the lobby.

_/\____/\____/\____/\____/\____/\_

"Thanks," I call out to the cab driver as I get out and give him the money. I close the door and walk to the apartment building with the different colored strobe lights coming from the windows of the loft on the top floor. I ride up the elevator in silence and smile brightly when it opens to the most epic party ever.

Music is blasting, people are dancing, the bar is wide open. I step out of the elevator and almost immediately spot Magnus Bane. I was kinda lying when I said Jonathan was the only person who knew where I was. Magnus somehow tracked me down a little less than a year ago. After I swore him to secrecy, he came down and visited me every few months.

"Magnus Bane you throw another success!" I shout as I come over to him.

He turns to face me and engulfs me in a hug. "Biscuit, dear, as long as you are having a good time, this party is the best party in history," he says as he releases me from the hug. "Now you go, have a few drinks, and have a great night."

"Don't have to tell me twice," I laugh as I head to the open bar. When I get there, I order a Faerie Spell and go out to the dance floor. The next few hours are filled with dancing and drinking and I don't even know what else I did while I was drunk. Here's a tip kiddos. If you ever drink an alcoholic drink that is very fruity, it is most likely filled with a lot of strong alcohol. All I know is that it takes a certain girl with obsidian eyes pulls me from the dance floor.

"Clary!" Izzy shrieks, clearly drunk. "Will brought a Ouija board! You should come play with us!"

I giggle and nod my head, letting Izzy pull me to one of the bedrooms. Inside, I see a big room with almost no furniture and a lot of my old friends inside. Will, Jem, Simon, and Tessa all kneel around the Ouija board, Cecily and Gabriel talk by the far wall, and Jace leans on the wall, looking fairly amused by the Ouija board on the floor.

He glances at me, then back to the board. Suddenly, his head snaps towards me and he looks at me almost like I'm an alien. "Clary, what the fuck happened with your hair?"

"What are you talking about?" I ask, my words slurring a little. I stumble to the mirror and look to see strands of black laced through my hair along with the white strands I got done for my eighteenth birthday. So that's why the smell of chemicals and hair dye has been following me around for the past hour.

The look on my face must be priceless because he starts chuckling. "I see the party you hasn't changed," he jokes which makes me glare slightly at him.

Izzy grabs my arm and pulls me to the board. "Come on Clary! Let's talk to hot guy spirits!" Iz laughs as we kneel by the board.

"Oh my god YES," I yell which makes everyone laugh.

As Jace chuckles, he kneels next to me by the board. I give him a look that says Seriously? You're into this stuff? and he shrugs. "Maybe I wanna talk to hot guy spirits too." We all laugh and prepare to use the board. Let the Ouija games begin.

AN

Guys, I went on the Freeform website and generated my Shadowhunter name and my new name is officially Bella Grace Heartsilver.

Now, the reason I haven't been updating is fairly simple. I'm not gonna lie to you, I was thinking about killing myself. School's been awful, I'm getting bullied by people I don't even know on personal accounts, and I just feel so much more distant. Instead of reaching for a razor or a bottle of bleach or anything like that, I told my moms and they got me some help.

So, for the past couple of weeks, I've been going to some therapist. And apparently, I'm not just depressed. Apparently I have anxiety rates higher than 98% of the population. So now, I'm depressed and have both Asperger's Syndrome and freakishly high anxiety levels and the state has some law that minors with anxiety rates like this have to go to mandatory therapy. So yay me right?

Anyway, I complain to you guys way more than I should. There are good things going on in my life, like I've finally mastered "Bella's Lullaby" on the piano. So, I hope you guys liked the chapter and I will update soon.-Bella