"My dude! You got them all right!" I said as I high-fived Sincere after I looked over his homework. He was doing real good with his math, almost couldn't tell that he used to struggle with it. "I don't think I ever got them all right before." he said sounding super excited. He actually reminded me a lot of myself as a child. I used to think things seemed real hard until I had somebody right there with me, and for some reason nothing seemed difficult anymore after that. Come to think of it, not much had changed with me. A lot of things seemed like such a heavy burden to carry until I realized that I didn't have to do it alone. Unfortunately, I think I left a lot of people to deal with theirs alone though. I don't know whether to feel grateful or like a dick. I was smiling on the outside through every interaction with Suki and Sincere, but inside I was fighting demons. "Jay must be a really great tutor." Suki said as she came in and came and sat beside me as we looked across the table at Sincere. "He is! Plus he made it fun." Sincere told her as we high-fived again after that. "So I don't?" she asked him as she poked her lip out a little bit. "Bae, I don't think moms are ever the fun parents." I said and Sincere immediately laughed and I followed suit. She couldn't do anything but smile at that. "I've never heard nobody like 'Oh my God mom is so fun' I don't think that even sounds right." I said and she punched me in the arm as we all laughed. "But that's okay, you're still the glue that holds everything together. Without you, all of this falls apart my baby." I said to her and she looked at me and smiled. She leaned over and kissed me. "Eww." Sincere said as we both laughed at his reaction. "Come here Sin, I got some kisses for you too." Suki said as Sincere ran off and we both laughed. "Fatherhood looks good on you." she said to me with a smile. "Y'all make it so easy. He's an extremely lovable child and his mother man...where do I start?" she smiled at me and gave me another kiss. "You must be trying to get another one." I said to her with a smile and she actually smiled back. "I'm not against that, I mean this time is completely different because this would be with my husband, right?" she said to me. "You muhfucking right! Big husband, but the little one." I told her as I started to wipe off the table from the snacks we had while we were doing his homework. "So...when are we gonna talk about it?" she asked me and I looked up at her. "Confused?" she asked and I really didn't know where we were going with this. "So...I saw the sonogram when I was doing the laundry. I put it back upstairs on your dresser." What in the entire fuck?? "I guess I wasn't really sure on how to bring it up or if I was even ready to talk about it for real." "That's fair. But the question is, is she still with child?" she asked me and I shook my head. "Is that why you'r not ready to speak on it?" she asked me and as hard as it was to admit this... "No...I actually can speak on that part alright. It's really like I don't know if you can understand my emotions about the situation in general." I said to her and she walked over to me. "Listen...I'm your wife. I'll accept whatever bullshit comes with you, just don't bullshit me." "I wasn't trying to. But you have to realize how fucked up that makes me feel. Like losing the baby with Dom was hard as hell and then finding out Jazz decided to terminate the pregnancy that I didn't even know anything about it hard too. Like realistically at the end of this year I should've been a father of three and here I am with one. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that. Like how do I present that to you?" "I can't sit here and fake like I know how you feel Justin. Realistically, Sincere is here with us. But I can empathize because my son literally saved my life. Without him, there is no me. I know that has to be a low crazy feeling in all actuality. But I'm here for you though." "You are and I know that. But you don't feel how I feel. It's hard to talk to someone about this that doesn't have the faintest clue of how deep the pain runs." She looked into my eyes and just folded her arms across her chest. "So it's easier to talk to your ex or your high school fling than it is to talk to me?" she asked me. "Did I say that? Like don't twist my words. I never said talking to them was easier. Hell it's hard as fuck to look either of them in their faces, but like a grown ass man, I did just that. I apologized to both my baby mommas and made sure I gave them space to speak freely on how they felt too. That's the hardest shit I ever endured in my life. It's much easier to talk to you, but the subject ain't easy to speak on. I talk to Riek most because he's been in my shoes. That's it." "So you were gonna purposely leave out the fact that you took time to talk to them?" "Respectfully, yes. To avoid this conversation that we're having right now. I'm gonna always have a connection to both of them, I cannot change that. However, you're my wife and I'll never do anything to jeopardize that. But I would think you had respect for the fact that I handled my shit like a man without it turning into something big. But I guess I'm wrong." "It's not about right and wrong. It's about omissions Jay. Don't try to gaslight me into being the bad guy because you neglected to mention some things to me. I don't care that you did it, I'm bothered by the fact that you feel as if you couldn't have just told me that. I'm not some vulture who screams their head off every time you say anything. So don't treat me as such. It's like I'm your wife when it's convenient, but when shit gets tough, you want to treat me like I'm just your lil girlfriend. Pick who you expect me to be and move accordingly." she said as she smooth walked away from me.
YOU ARE READING
Allegedly Book 2
RomanceThe story of 6 inner city young adults, all from different walks of life, from different areas, and conquering different hardships. Watch how school, family, drugs, lies, the streets, and love bring them together and rip them apart
