Unwanted

Chapter 17

I sat in the chair, staring at the drawing that had somehow possessed my mind. I was scared, what if this meant someone was going to hurt Hades? I clenched my jaw, I just have to suck it up and explain it to him. I got up and walked down the hall towards his office, my heart hammering against my chest. I was anxious and unsure, what if he takes it the wrong way?

Yesterday I ran into one of the Elders here; now the Elders don't look old at all. We're immortal unless our necks are snapped, we're stabbed in the heart, wolfsbane or silver, and so on. They're the oldest here though, ranging from two-hundred years old to almost five-hundred. Anyways, she was sweet woman and explained to me that Hades had an anger problem due to brain damage. She didn't go into full story mode on how he exactly got brain damage, but she said it was minor.

The pack doctor didn't think anything of it, it was just a small bleed in his brain when he was about eight years old. They fixed it of course, but he had issues from the lack of oxygen when he was out cold for those five minutes when they found them. I didn't know who them was, but I know one of the people was in fact Hades.

I had always thought brain damage meant having trouble speaking or losing function of one part of their body, but there are multiple types. She explained to me that he'll forget small things sometimes, that he'll have uncontrollable anger. It's like he blacks out or something and goes on a rampage. It can be terrifying, but what made it difficult for him was that no one wanted to deal with him.

The only person there for him was his uncle who was Alpha of the Blood Crescent pack. She told me how he would sometimes have a mental breakdown because of it; he would cry every single night until he was ten. When he was ten that was when he realized the others who died in that accident, they were very close to him. I had a feeling it was his parents, but I didn't want to ask. I know that's something Hades would have to explain to me himself.

He has better control over it now, but he'll go into a relapse sometimes and lash out. She told me that my touch could help with that; the touch of a mate easily soothes the partner. I was concerned, but I knew he was a strong man. But the fact he had struggled with this for years,without any help besides someone who lived eight hours away.

I knocked on his office door and waited until I heard his voice, telling me to come in. I smiled at him as I shut the door and locked it. He raised an eyebrow, confusion swirling in his beautiful eyes as he watched me.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, frowning now.

I nodded, but then shook my head. I sighed, "The other day when I was drawing...I...I completely zoned out. It's like I blacked out or something, but my body was still functioning. It was weird, but when I finally stopped and focused on my drawing...I was terrified. Then a voice told me that it was sign of some sort. Hades, I'm afraid for your life." I whispered, a stray tear making its way down my cheek.

He got up and walked over to me, pulling me into his arms. He gently kissed my cheek, "Hey, it's fine, what was the drawing?" he questioned.

I swallowed, "It was a drawing of me holding you while you bled out from some wound in your chest. Hades, I'm afraid. What if something happens? What if I lose you?" I blubbered like an idiot.

He quickly hushed me and pulled me even closer, running his fingers through my hair."Hey, I'm not leaving you. I would never abandon you like that, not like what I did when we first met. Does it have something to do with that?"

I shook my head, but then a thought struck me. What if he realizes in two years what he did that day or was it night? What if he just completely breaks down? I have no idea how I would handle that, like the Elder said, his mind is a complete mess. Only I could help him with it though, that was the part that scared me. What if I can't? What if I screw up?

I clenched my jaw, "No, it had nothing to do with that." I paused for a second, but then sighed. "Hades, what happened when you were eight?"

He froze, his eyes widened as the sound of his heart quickened. The fear of him losing control over his anger again caused me to quickly soothe him.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't-

"No, it's fine. I should probably tell you sometime, huh?" he asked, a fearful look in his eyes.

What is he so afraid?

He took a deep breath, "When I was eight my parents were driving me to the yearly carnival. I always loved going there, ever since I was only two. We were about fifteen minutes away when a drunk driver hit us, causing our car to spiral out of control. I had blacked out for goddess knows how long, but when I woke up I saw my parents dead. My mother had snapped her neck when the car had tumbled down the hill...and my father...his throat was impaled by a large piece of glass from the windshield.

It was gruesome scene, but I was so confused. A minute after I just...snapped. I started screaming, kicking, cussing...it's just like...I couldn't control myself. Skip to a day or two later the doctor told me that I had minor brain damage, it was located in the part of my brain that controls my angry feelings. He told me I have what is called, impulsive anger, which is sometimes caused by brain damage. I also couldn't use my left arm, it just wouldn't function. Luckily, with years of therapy I was able to use it again.

I...I lost control of my anger when I saw you in the cell. I wasn't angry at you, but at the Moon Goddess for forcing you to become my mate. I'm a dangerous person, Celina, everything you should run away from. I took it out on you, I'm so sorry...I...I shouldn't have. I didn't know...I have been able to control it for years, but that night...I couldn't. I tried, my wolf tried, but we couldn't."

His eyes were watery from unshed tears; he was holding himself back but I knew he had to let it go. I smiled softly and hugged him, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"Hey, shhhh, it's okay. You're okay Hades." I whispered.

His body started to shake with uncontrollable sobs, his tears soaking my shoulder. "What if I hurt you again?" he mumbled. "What if I cause you to leave?"

I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at him, "Hades, this is not your fault. You can't control it fully, but that's why I'm here. A few moments ago, did you feel angry?"

He swallowed and nodded slowly, "Yes, but...I just calmed down."

I smiled, "That's because of my touch, I'm your mate. We're supposed to soothe each other with just our touch, if not our touch, then our kiss."

His eyes widened, "If I ever do lose control, please, don't touch me. I-I could hurt you...badly. I don't want to...I've already destroyed enough lives."

I could fear rising in me as I saw a look in his eyes, the look you usually see in someone when they're trying to shut themselves out. I wasn't having any of it though, we're in this together. I leaned forward and crushed my lips against his, needing to show him that I'm not leaving him, ever.

Though, he does have explaining to do for the mating with another she-wolf. I haven't fully forgotten that, but that's for another day. For now, he needs me to comfort him. I know this is going to be one long journey, but I'm willing to take it.

He's mine and I'm his, there is no letting go now. Not when he needs me.

Author's note:

Before you guys tell me impulsive anger cannot be caused by brain damage, I have the link to the website that explains it. Or, I'll post the passage her. :)

" But many people also develop impulsive anger as a direct effect of the damage to the brain.  In other words, the parts of the brain that normally inhibit angry feelings and behavior have been damaged and do not do their jobs as well.  This means that the person's anger threshold is lowered so that he or she becomes angry more easily and more intensely."

Link: http://www.brainline.org/content/2013/06/anger-following-brain-injury_pageall.html

Hope you enjoyed this! :) There's a lot more of his past coming soon! I think it's about time her family starts coming back in soon too. I don't know when though...lol

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