Fiction

Heartsick

"Perhaps this is what the stories meant when they called somebody heartsick. Your heart and your stomach and your whole insides felt empty and hollow and aching."
~Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

Phil's POV

I wasn't really concentrating on my feet. They were on autopilot, navigating London with no input from me. My mind had more important things to worry about. Where was I going to go? How was I going to get my stuff? And, most importantly, what the heck was I thinking when I told Dan I was in love with him?

Way to screw it up, Phil, congratulations.

I looked up from the pavement, and sighed when I realised where I was.

The flat.

I mean, seriously? I was walking to get away and I end up back here again? I was walking for a good ten minutes!

It starts to rain.

When I thought this couldn't get any better.

Okay, so, step one: find somewhere to stay for the night.

Easy. Call Chris and hope he can muster up the hospitality to house me for one night.

Ring. Ring.

"Phil? Are you okay? PJ told me that Dan called him yesterday morning, about what happened on the night of the party. And seriously man, you screwed up. You love him! What the fuck possessed you to leave him? Is there actually something wrong with your brain? Because that's the only reasonable explanation for what you did."

"Chris..." My voice broke, and I let out a strangled sob.

"Phil? Are you okay? Where are you?" He says, and his voice contains panic and worry.

"Outside. Flat. Can I stay at yours?"

"Sure Phil. You've just got to tell me what happened. Do you want me to come and get you?"

"Please." I say and hang up. Now I've just got to hope that Chris gets here soon.

***

Less than five minutes later Chris arrives. He is breathless from running, which just proves how much he was worrying.

"Phil! God's sake man! It's freezing! You'll get a cold or flu or some other deadly illness and die and then I will kick Dan's ass for making you stay out here!"

"It wasn't his fault." I whisper. "I was the one who got angry at him and didn't listen to his opinion and I don't know what he was going to say and the pancakes are probably burning and oh god what if the building goes up in flames he'll die and it'll be my fault oh god Chris what have I done?" I say I'm one breath, my voice getting more panicky by the second. He is looking at me like he's scared I'm going to explode, but he still puts an arm around me and starts walking towards his house.

"I think you need a cup of tea. And then you can tell me what happened, slowly and calmly." He says, and I know I am going to be grateful for this man all my life. He is a true friend.

*time skip!!!! Five minutes later, tea and biscuits in Chris' kitchen, Chris playing mummy bear. And... Action!*

"Okay Phil, I'm not going to force you into anything, but if you could tell me what happened between you and Dan, that would be fantastic."

I look down at my tea, take a deep breath, and begin.

"So, you know that I've had a crush on Dan for a while. About a year. But, this never felt like your average school-girl crush. It was always more than that. And it might be because I've known him for ages, God, I know him better than anyone else in the universe, and vice versa, but, I just... he, it's like he's some of magnet. I can't escape him, even if I wanted too and it's like everywhere I go there's something that reminds me of him. I see him everywhere. I see him in this tea, which he always makes for me, I see him when I look in the mirror to fix my hair, I see him when I walk past someone with dimples in the street, I see him everywhere! And when he's with me, I can't see anything else. It's like I took my glasses off, and everything's out of focus, apart from him. I don't know what I'd do without him. I might have to find out.

"So, after your party, we went home, and I'm sure you don't need the details on what happened next. But I woke the next morning and realised that I probably just ruined our friendship. So I left. I panicked, got myself breakfast and some snacks for the day, and locked myself in my room. I realised it was stupid, but I couldn't face him. The inevitable questions, I don't think that I could take it. So I didn't. He knocked on my door quite a few times in the day, and the night. I didn't sleep, and the only time I came out of my room was to go to the bathroom, when he was out. It worked, but I knew it couldn't work for long. So, the next day, I made pancakes for breakfast. Early, so he would wake up and they'd be there so maybe he'd forgive me. But he basically told me to move out, so I got angry and confessed my love to him, and left before he could say anything. You could probably say I screwed up." I said, and God, did it feel good to get it off my chest. As they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.

Chris looked at me curiously.

"I don't understand." He said finally.

"You want me to go over it again?"

"No, I understand that part... it's just, why would Dan tell you to move out? That doesn't seem like him, at all. You're just going to have to sit tight Phil, whilst me and PJ sort out your mess for you."

I somehow think that this is going to go terribly wrong.

A/N:
Helloha peoples! I've got almost 100 reads, which is amazing, and I would use the 'you-don't-know-how-much-this-means-to-me' speech, but I'm betting you all know the drill. It gets tiring after a while. I have again been threatened with death (or world catastrophe, one of the two) for this chapter, so here we go!

I didn't come out to my parents because I'm a wimp and asked for your advice in the hope that someone would tell me not to and I could choose to follow that person's advice.

Basically I'm a wimp.

Also, thanks to skyhawkwolf for ruining my life with supernatural.

Way worth it.