Dear You,
Here we are again trying to find a way to make it work as a friendship when I really don't like this girlfriend. She makes me cringe. When I told you what I thought of her you went and told her and everyone. I'm sorry she gets under my skin in just a way that makes me want to stay away from her. She doesn't trust you, and you shouldn't trust her. She may say all she wants that she's trusts you, but she doesn't. It was revealed to me at that dinner when you and your friends and I went to get Chinese food. And if you don't know why you better remember because I'm done being the one to get the crap from saying the truth. And if I believed it needed to stay in it would have stayed in my head and not been put into words. Don't tell me I'm jealous because let's be honest you and I will never work, and I know it. You are incredible, but you have so much you have to change before I can even allow myself to look at you like that.
I fought so hard for you but she is tearing us apart. I don't freakin' care if she is your girlfriend. She is not who has been there from you when you didn't have anyone. She wasn't the one who got you out of your trust issues. She was the one who discouraged you from Master's! She was the one who pulled you away from God. Remember at Verge, God told you that you will not be together. You were going to break up with her but she weaseled her way right back into that place God told you to keep her out of. She may seem great but just wait until the hangover kicks in. You will want it again but you'll only get a worse hangover each time. Find someone who makes each morning calm and happy not in pain and searching for aspirin. Someone who's not making you cry yourself to sleep but making you smile yourself to sleep, thanking God for them. Not her.
I believe you fail to see how much I care about you. You are my best friend and you make my heart smile. You have been there when everyone but three people ditched me on my birthday and when God called me to everything. You were the one who was there for me when my mind wanted to believe the worst about my sister's accident. You make me happy. You put a smile on my face no matter the situation. And it's not only me, Darling. Everyone you meet can't help but love you. I pray you see how much you mean to me.
Right about now you are upset with me. You said you weren't mad. Idk, I feel like you are. Maybe you're just finally breaking your promise and giving up on me. I hate to say it but maybe you finally have. 3 years have just been too much. No one ever got as far as you, so I've got to give you props from that. And for someone who got so close to my heart and the depths of my soul, you stayed way longer than I would have ever imagined. You were the first person I trusted with the secrets of my heart. I've never let anyone see so much of me. Most of the time, it's just one person knows this about me and another this or that. No one ever knowing the full me. But you have always known the most. I really hope you don't give up. But just so you know if you are don't feel bad. I've still got God. He's all I need. That doesn't mean I don't want you to stay here.
Hugs,
~Me
