Dear You,
Everything we were is still stuck in my head. Nothing makes sense anymore. It feels as if nothing I say makes a difference to you. What would you say to me now if I was in danger or on my death bed? What would you say? I doubt you would say anything. I know you care but sometimes I forget you actually do. You do things that make me feel like you care but sometimes you don't.
I gave you your Christmas present. You love it but you didn't get me one. What does that mean? Does it mean I don't mean enough to you to get me a present or did you truly just forget. I don't even know. Life is so overwhelming sometimes. I don't know what to believe about you. I care so much about you but I fear you don't have a glimpse of the care I have for you. Do you even see how much I care? Of course not. I do so many things but you don't notice. That's okay, though. I will survive.
I still have some feelings for you. I don't want them to be there but I tend to just think about you when you do something sweet or around that. My head's telling me one thing while my heart is telling me another. I know it's not logical to tell you or even want more than our friendship but I don't know.
My life is just one big I don't know. I'm so confused. Nothing is making sense. Nothing. I want so badly for you to know but at the same time I can't pull myself together enough to tell you. It's not smart to tell you. I don't want a relationship right now but I want to hold you and kiss you and all that. I'm so messed up to think that way. Neither of us are ready for a relationship. I will wait until you say something to even dare tell you. If you feel the same and you tell me in the future maybe we can have something but for now it's not God's Will.
I hope you understand where I'm coming from. I just can't do it. In the future maybe but for now I will keep my feelings in and tell no one.
~ Me
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