Dear Diary...

Must. Not. Eat.

The other day i checked out Wintergirls at the library. That's one of the famous pages. -----------> ------------------>

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I have realized how easy it is to starve yourself in school days with no one noticing.
Not that i am doing it on purpose but oh well. I don't like the school breakfast and i just go to the library during lunch, then when i get home i do my homework. I eat but sometimes i don't eat dinner.
But it's not like anything bad will happen 'cause i'm overweight anyways so there is no suspicion of me being "anorexic" or something along those lines. On the contrary, i seriously DO have to lose weight. I have made some kind of 'goals' on this.

My first goal weight is 150.
Then it'll be to get to 143-145.
My third goal is 135.
My UGW is 128... I think
...Maybe 120

I'm not going to put a date on when because if i don't get to it by then, i will be disappointed and i'll end up binging then crying for being such a fat*ss. But i'm hoping to at least get halfway by december or so.

I am just tired of being fat. I have always been the fat friend. Now i'm even the fat one from my family. My mom lost weight and now i'm f* ckin heavier than her. How disappointing is that? I'm such an embarrassment. To others and to myself.

You know what else is bad? I have stretch marks. Like what normal teenage girl has freaken stretch marks on her stomach and thighs?? Well me duh. I think the body part i'm least ashamed of are my feet. I am okay with them.

Gosh i am so jealous of the skinny people at school. Even the skinny guys. I mean i walk behind them in the hallways and i look at their arms and they're just so skinny with no fat at all and mine are all humongous and wiggly. And their elbows show the bones and i see their collarbones. Then i catch a glimpse of myself and i look like a freaken pig slob. I don't even have style. Like wtf? Am i not good at anything? I didn't even succeed on my school goals last year.

I feel like such a failure sometimes. Everywhere i go i stand out like a dull, brown moth amidst beautiful butterflies.

But whatever i guess i just have to work hard and show everyone how awesome i actually am, right?

Just kidding, i'm not the bubbly positive type. My older sister says i'm cynical and a pessimist but i think i'm just a realist. I prefer to think so.

Winter is coming soon, it's already darkening earlier. I love winter. But i won't stuff myself this year, nuh huh. It is about time to put restrictions. I wanna- no, GOTTA lose weight. Like for reals. I'm accepting any helpful ideas.

But blah blah blah yadda yadda who's reading this sh*t anyways? Ok ok my bad. Because YOU ARE.

YES YOU THE ONE READING THESE WORDS ON THE SCREEN.

YOU! YOU ARE AWESOME FOR READING THIS BECAUSE I SAY SO!

And for those of you who read my useless stuff, thank you! I really appreciate it.

So far i've gotten 51 reads and i'm forever grateful to those who read it, even if it was just the boring note at the beginning.
I read all the comments and try to reply to them.
So if you have a question or comment, or just something you want me to ramble about them feel free to do so.

Buh-bye Bubbas!
Have a lovely day/night!

~A :3