Dear Diary...

Sick of this

I'm so tired.

Like just so, so tired of this.
I hate myself.
I hate my lack of self control.
I hate myself every time i binge.
And even more when i look at myself afterwards and see my bloating stomach.
And my huge thighs.
And my big arms. My ugly face.

I am so sick of myself.
I just want to be thin.
I want to be at my goal weight already.
I just want to be there.
I hate this. I hate this so much.
I'm not even going to weigh myself tomorrow.
I don't want that number to remind me how i failed in keeping myself in control.
I want to give up, but then i will hate myself even further.
I just want to go a week with no food touching my lips.
A week to prove myself.
I can do this.
I don't want to be fat anymore. I am so sick and tired of being the ugly, quiet, nerdy, fat friend.
The one you always go to, to make yourself feel and look better.
I'm tired of being compared to my sister, and then comparing myself to her.
I want to be like other girls.
Like that skinny girl i hate at my school, only because i am envious.
She makes it look so easy.
I want to be like her.
For that i have to be strong.
To be like i've always dreamed of being.