The Scrambled Philosophies That I Call Thoughts

Sweet Nothings

There's a hole in my heart

An emptiness

It's been here for a while

It became familiar

So though I did not like it

I gave it a name

I called it "Writer's Block"

I liked this name

I thought that it fit

Though, as time went on

I realized that the name

That I'd given this emptiness at birth

Did not properly suit it

So I took it down to the courthouse

A.k.a my brain

And I changed its name

And confirmed it with a stamp of red

Its new name was "Nothing"

Because that's exactly what it felt like

So "Nothing" made a home in my heart

But, you see, I didn't like this

I tried to drive "Nothing" away

With loads of sappy love songs

And mushy-gushy romances

But it did not work

Because "Nothing" just laughed

And told me it was heartless

I agreed:

I agreed

So then I tried writing poetry

Which always helped before

But "Nothing" just scoffed

And called me silly

Because there was nothing

For me to write about

So then, I tried reading poetry

So I stayed awake till 3am

Immersing myself in the verses

Of my favorite poems

And contemplating everything

Just trying to shed one tear

But "Nothing" just laughed

And said it was too numb for heartache

I agreed:

I agreed

So I tried to drive out this "Nothing"

By putting something in

So I ate anything in sight

As long as it contained sugar

And drank far too much coffee

For someone my size

Then I went out

And got high off of purely the joys of living

But "Nothing" said that the distractions

Were all just good fun

And that it would seem even worse in comparison

The second my ephemeral fun was over

I agreed:

I agreed

So here I am with a heart of stone

Socializing, but still alone

Because there are no emotions behind my interactions

Therefore, I cheer on sorrow to give it some traction

Do not be concerned, dear reader

I do not wish to die

The exact opposite, in fact

I don't even wish to cry

But "want" and "need" are two different things

So I'll tell you what I need

SO THERE WILL BE NO MISTAKING IT

I need a good slap to the face

I need a good shock

I need a piercing insult

I need a good cry

I need something to wake me up

I need something to shatter me

So that I can put myself back together

And know what piece I've lost

So that I can begin

My quest to find it