faking it l.r.h

0.3

Adelaide

"I guess we should, like, actually talk," I say and stare at the Syllabus. It's basically the rules for the classroom, the same thing every year.

"That's a good idea," Luke responds, his large hands flipping through the thin pages of the packet.

This is great, the universe is so cruel. There are loud conversations going on in the room as Ms. Garner types something on her computer.

"So," He starts and I feel like stabbing my ears. His voice is so deep, I hate myself. I decide to stop being a child and look up at him as we attempt to have a conversation.

"How was your summer?" He asks and I panic. I've been avoiding you all summer, but you seem to have had an amazing one considering all the noise coming from the parties I was never invited to.

"It was pretty-uh- pretty cool I guess?" I shrug and immediately feel anxious. He's acting like he cares; He hasn't talked to me in almost 2 years. I'm just the crazy girl with a crush on him, not his best friend.

"That's good..." He responds.

"And how was yours?" I add, at least trying to have a decent conversation.

"Good, good... Hung out with friends..." Yeah, I heard it all. He says and I sense pity. I mentally cringe, he hung out with his friends, his new ones.

"That's cool..." I nod and glance at the paper on the table. It's quiet and I move the hair that fell into my eyes.

"Did you get a haircut?" He pipes up again.

I did. How could he notice? We haven't looked at each other since year 10. We even avoid looking at each other in the halls. Or is that just me? Well, I never look to see if he's looking.

"Yeah," I reply, nonchalant.

"You look nice..." He says warily. He's probably being cautious of his words, he doesn't wanna give the wrong impression. He's always been one to carefully plan out what he's going to say.

"Thanks." I search his eyes for a second, then look away, staring at his hands. His hands are blue, not like dark but light, like the ocean.

"Your hands are blue?" I point out, looking back to his matching eyes.

"Oh-yeah..." He chuckles and holds his hands up, inspecting them like he just noticed. I don't remember how his laugh sounds, it feels like forever. "I dyed my girlfriends-brothers hair..." He adds. I nod like I actually understand what he's saying. All of this is foreign. Luke hates hair dye especially color, he always has. People change. 


"Me too," I say and frown, not really understanding what just came out of my mouth.

"You too?" He asks, his eyebrows scrunching together.

Here we go, this is when I embarrass myself completely and never speak again.

"Uh-my girlfriend likes to dye her hair too." My voice quivers and I clear my throat, swallowing hard. I feel like I'm going to vomit. Girlfriend? I don't even know a lot of girls my age other than Riley.

His frown stays on his symmetrical face, tilting his head to the left in confusion like a puppy. I bite the inside of my cheek and dig my nails into the fabric of my jeans.

"You have a—uh— girlfriend?" He asks and my body moves without filtering through my brain, nodding away. "Like, a— relationship?" He asks and my head nods again.

"Oh—that's cool I guess... I didn't know you swung that way..." It's because I don't, not entirely anyway. This conversation was going good—kind of, and I had to fuck it up. Maybe if he thinks I'm dating someone—of the same sex— he'd be friends with me again? I really am pathetic, aren't I? I still have hope that he and I will makeup and everything will be okay again. I think deep down I'd do anything to have him as a friend again, even if it means that I have to lie.

"Yeah..." I shrug, going along with it. The bell rings and I pack up my things quickly, along with all the other students in my class. Luke sits in his desk for a brief moment before putting his syllabus into his black binder. It looks like he's thinking, but I know he's not thinking about me, probably his next class. Oh god, I hope he doesn't have any other classes with me.

"Addie, wait—" Luke says and reaches his hand out to touch my arm, quickly retracting his touch away.

"Hm?" I hum, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn't say anything.

"Uh—I'll see you later Luke..." I say and turn away, walking out of the class and to my next class.