faking it l.r.h

1.2

"I'll be right back." I courteously smile and leave my untouched pizza on the paper plate on the table. I bounce off the seat of the booth and walk towards the back of the small joint that's beginning to crowd due to the dinner rush hour.

I nervously bite my bottom lip as I open the door to the restroom, letting it slam behind me. There's a woman with her daughter washing their hands as I awkwardly stand in the middle of the entrance. They both smile towards me through the mirror before drying their hands and walking out.

I look underneath the stalls right as the door swings open and Luke waltzes in casually. Anyone walking in at any moment makes my palms sweat. I cross my arms to control my jittering, I don't want Luke to notice that I'm intimidated.

"Couldn't this wait? We're both busy at the moment." I emphasize on the word both, not to be passive aggressive but to make a point. He's here with his girlfriend on a date, not a group of friends, just her.

"What happened last night?" He squeezes his eyes shut and rubs his temples before opening his azure eyes once again.

"What do you mean?" I ask, skeptically. I uncross my arms and let them hang by my sides.

His face looks tired but he still looks so good, a rugged kinda good. His scruff on his chin and neck look a couple days old and his locks are in all different directions. He runs a hand through his hair and only enhances the rough look he's pulling off. Luke puts his hands on his hips and rests his weight on one foot.

"I mean I-I don't remember last night, I remember throwing rocks at your window and that's it." He says and I can tell there's a knot in his stomach. His voice sounds croaky and he looks at me only briefly before looking at the checkered tile.

"Yeah, you came inside, climbed inside rather, and jumped on my bed," I inform, feeling as if I shouldn't tell him. If he doesn't remember then there must be some higher power out there looking out for me, finally. He shouldn't know. I second guess my judgment and ask, why?

He frowns and attempts to put the missing pieces together in his head, putting his hand in his pocket as he thinks.

"So, I came over and we just hung out? Or d-did we?" He chokes the last part out, his cheeks flaming. He looks innocent like he can't even say the word. He can't, because if he does then he'd have to deal with the fact that he cheated, but he didn't. "I had a condom in my wallet and when I looked this morning it was gone a-and— I thought how could we? You-you don't like...that-,"

"No!" I say quickly, mainly to assure him.

The rosy tint in his cheeks remains as we stand in the girl's bathroom, vulnerable to anyone who may walk in. Even his girlfriend.

"Thank god." He breathes out, one of his hands in a clenched fist. I know that he'd only be angry at himself if he were to cheat on Margo, his girlfriend.

"You and I just talked," I tell him. I'm not lying, we did talk, I'm just sugar coating the details. He tried to kiss me, take things further, and if the situation weren't so messy I'd let him. It's so cheesy. It's only a kiss.

"Okay, and nothing else?" He talks slowly, picking his words carefully.

I nod and half smile, nothing happened, why do I wish that something did happen between us.

"We're good?" He questions, raising a brow at me. I can tell he's still worried. I take a step forward, reach over and place my hand on his bicep. The softness of his t-shirt underneath my fingertips. I just want to feel the warmth he emits, to subdue the craving I feel for him in the bottom of my stomach.

"We're good." I smile genuinely. He hesitantly smiles and chuckles softly, my heart beating a little faster. It's silent for a moment before he speaks again, his lips curving with his words.

"I'm gonna go back," His points his thumb to the door and I nod along with him.

There's a flood of relief that washes over me for some odd reason. For the rest of dinner with Michael, I can hardly concentrate on whatever he's saying, what with Luke right there I can hardly even eat. I need help, this probably is considered borderline obsessive.

Michael and I rode our bikes here since his car is in the shop for a whole week, well, my bike and my mom's pink beach cruiser. He pretends he's out of breath by the time we arrive home, even though it was hardly even a 10-minute bike ride.

"Oh, quit being so dramatic!" I yell as we take the bikes to the backyard.

"It's not my fault, I just ate a meal for 6." He heaves and I roll my eyes. We go through the backyard and I hear laughter from the back porch.

"Hey, what are you guys doing?" I greet with a smile, Michael trailing behind me. They both have a steaming mug and are sharing a blanket on their lap.

"Just the latest gossip," They both grin to each other. The faint sound of innocence is heard as they converse, almost sounding like Riley and me when we were freshman. I'm happy that my mom has found someone that understands her, though I know she still lingers on the feeling of my dad, I truly want her to be happy. That's what best friends are for.

"About what?" I sit on the top step of the porch, Michael walks past me and into the house with the light smack of the screen door. The crickets are deafening once you focus on them and the few cicadas left are buzzing in a beautiful symphony. There's a smile on my face and they glance at each other, contemplating before one of them speaks up.

"Luke came home pretty late last night, do you have any clue as to why?" Liz raises her thin eyebrow, my mom grinning in the soft dim porch light. I have to hide a smile from the two as they look towards me questionably. I get what they're hinting at and play along.

"I wouldn't," I say matter-of-factly. I don't want to narc on Luke, Liz would kill him if she knew he was black out drunk under her roof, God knows what she'd do to that boy. They glance at me and I look past them out into the backyard that's lit up by the strung lights. The two howl in laughter and I shake my head at the both of them. I know they care about Luke and I but even they can't save us from the predicament I've created.

I breathe in the fresh air and chew on the inside of my cheek. Luke was so worried today that we had done something, maybe he was repulsed by me?

I shake myself out of my thoughts and find the two women on a totally new topic of interest, something about work. They start using big words and I know it's my cue to leave, pushing myself up off the steps. Liz reaches out and squeezes my forearm as I brush past the porch swing. I open the screen door and search the quiet house for my loud friend.

"Why were they asking about Luke?" He questions, the voices of my mom and Liz fading as I walk further into the house.

"I don't know." I don't necessarily lie, I just don't tell him the truth. Not quite yet. I don't want this to end, the secrecy of hanging around with my ex-best friend.