Chapter 12 ~ I don't know

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Jessica

Reece ended up accidentally telling Mom and Dad about me, so now I have to stay in bed. I wake up to my alarm. Why did I set one? I don't even know what's going on in my head anymore. Everything's just.. I need a break from everything.

"Is Jess here?" I here a faint voice say. I listen in.

"Calum, what are you doing here?" Another voice asks, surprised.

"I thought- um.. Mrs. Robins, we made it." So he's talking to my mom. Should I go downstairs?

"That's great Calum, we're proud. But Jessica needs some rest." Do I want Calum to leave or stay? I don't even know anymore. I decide to get out of bed and go downstairs. I act like I just woke up.

"Good morning is breakfast ready?" I yawn.

"Good morning Jess." I open my eyes and act shocked/surprised.

"Hello Calum, what are you doing here?" It feels good talking to him but at the same time, it hurts. The memories. The break-up.

"Just wanted to check on you." He shrugs. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah.." I nod.

"Well, I'm just gonna go make breakfast.." Mom says awkwardly. She walks away and it's just Calum and I.

"Jessica, I'm sorry." He tries to grab my hand but I pull away.

"I'm sorry too Calum." I stare at the ground and whisper, "You should go." I glance up and quickly look back down. He's staring at me.

"Jess, please look at me." He begs. "Jessica."

"Goodbye." My voice cracks and now there's a lump in my throat. I see his feet turn around and look up. He turned back to look at me.

"Goodbye Jess. I hope you know that I loved- no, love you." I try to keep in the tears and try speaking.

"Well.. I once did love you too." I turn around and run upstairs to cry in my pillow. The second I enter my room, I let it all pour out. Why am I doing this to myself? Why did Calum have to tour in this city? Why did I have to move?

• 

Calum

I watch Jessica. She looks at me and quickly reverts her eyes back to the floor.

"Jess, please look at me." I close my eyes. "Jessica."

"Goodbye." She responds. Ouch. What does she mean by goodbye? I start to turn around but look back. She's watching me leave.

"Goodbye Jess. I hope you know that I loved- no, love you." Please, say something.

"Well.. I once did love you." I bite my lip to keep from breaking down. She runs up the stairs so I decide to finally leave. She once did love me. She doesn't anymore.

I close their front door and start walking back to the car that I got here in.

"How did it go?.." Ashton asks. My lip start to quiver and my voice shakes.

"Uh.. She doesn't love me anymore.. So um.. Can we just go?" I can barely talk. The lump in my throat is preventing me from speaking without tears coming down my face.

"Yeah." Ash drives away and back to our bus.

"Just focus on your music more now, stop worrying about girls and drama and stuff."

"You know, that's what I did until I saw Jessica again. I just stopped being in her life and I regret it Luke. I regret not showing up at the airport to say goodbye. I regret going back to her. I regret breaking her heart.. again." I inhale a deep shaky breath.

"But what would've happened if she never moved, if you two were still together? Would we still have  gone on this tour? Have this amazing opportunity?"

"I don't know anymore, Luke."

"I'm gonna go take a nap. You gonna be okay alone?" Luke gets up.

"Yeah." I nod. He goes away and I sit alone in the lounge. My phone buzzes. Ugh, I hate everyone. Why are people texting me? I take my phone out and check who it's from. I almost drop it after reading who it is.

Jessica: hey calum.. it's jess as you probably could tell. Anyways, i just wanted to say.. idk sorry? i guess i still do like you but everything's just a mess right now. im still hurt. im still hurt that u never came to meet me at the airport, that you just told me to forget about you. i guess i did, but not entirely. i couldn't, i'd need amnesia to do that cal. but yeah.. i don't really know what the point of this text was but that's all i wanted to say.

I did hurt her. I knew it. I hate myself for it. I quickly start typing a response.

Me: jessica, u texted. im so sorry. im sorry i hurt you. im sorry i didnt show up at the airport. i guess i was too hurt, mad, sad to go, i just.. i was being selfish. im so sorry. please forgive me, we can start over. right? please say yes. i can't go on without you

I hit send. I guess I'm relieved that she texted me something at least. But if she says no..

Jessica: i honestly dont know, calum.

I don't know either, Jessica.

•••

AN- Sorry for the shortish chapter! I promise im working on some new things for you guys. Yeah.. :)

Byee
-M•

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