Fighter

Chapter 36: Done With This Shit

I wake up from a bad nightmare. This time not being about pop. Just another really bad experience. I don't even bother to leave my room. I realized Naomi was next to me. I could say that today was a really bad day. I felt like shit, I looked like shit, I was shit. I was a nobody.

My mind is consumed from the bad thoughts and the crave for drugs. Once I would start thinking about the feeling I wanted to do it so bad. I acted on impulse. I felt bad for doing it again. I got up, still fucked up but not like before. I had a high tolerance for medicines, also meaning, I needed more drugs in my system for it to affect me like it should.

Staring my empty eyes into the walls of my room. I felt nothing but everything at the same time. I was tired of myself and I was tired of doing this to myself and doing this to my family. I don't want to hurt them anymore.

With all my strength I was up and I got any other drugs I had left besides oxy, I took the needles, the coke, anything that wasn't oxy. Took it to the bathroom and emptied it all in the toilet. Grabbing a hammer and smashing the syringes. I was probably being loud but I didn't care. Naomi followed me to the bathroom and she just watched me. I've done this before, she knew what was going on.

Tommy rushed in, probably from me smashing things, he saw what I was doing. I was on my knees near the toilet. I couldn't really get up. I'm too tired and weak right now. His face washed over with relief. "I'm sorry" I say tiredly, not even looking at their faces. I felt like a peice of shit.

It was one of the hardest things for me to do this again. I actually needed the oxys for when I fought but I knew I had to control myself. Tommy looked at me with sad eyes, walking over to me and picking me up. I wrapped my arm around his neck and he layed me back down in bed. He didn't say anything but I'm sure he was glad I did that. This time, I couldn't sleep.