Surfers Paradise

Chapter 18: Confessions - Part II

I know what you're probably thinking: younger sister's best friend completely and utterly crosses the line. I couldn't help it and I technically hadn't told Hannah yet so I was safely an inch away from that line. With every passing day, my feelings for Bethany grew stronger and I got closer and closer to that line.

I had felt conflicted about it but lately decided there was no use in ignoring the cold hard facts. I liked my sister's best friend who was way out of my league, probably did not have feelings for me, and could never be with me. I already imagined Hannah's reaction if I had told her: a lot of shrieking and anger. I couldn't believe I was scared of my little sister but that was a road I did not want to take.

I decided not to act on my feelings but it was so damn hard when Bethany and I got along so well. We were always laughing and she was much more understanding than other people I knew. It also didn't help that she had a great smile and surfed. I sounded like one of those lame-ass guys in those cheesy chick flicks my sister always watched but she was basically the dream girl I could never have and it sucked a lot.

I started liking her in January after Tiffany and I had broken things off. It wasn't like I had been crushing on Bethany since I was young, nothing that cliché. If I really thought about it, I had always just been "Hannah's annoying older brother" to her like she had been "Bethany, Hannah's annoying friend" to me. It was weird how I started liking her because she was the one who had helped me get over a different girl.

Back in junior year, I found out that Tiffany liked me. I was really surprised because she was way out of my league. I asked her out on a date and we got closer then officially started dating. Later on, I realized she wasn't as great as I had thought and broken up with her.

She seemed to take it pretty well or so I thought. One of my friends told me she had been crying to her friends over it, which made me feel pretty bad and I started to question whether or not I should get back together with her. She wasn't that bad, right?

When I got home, I sat on the couch and tried to work out my feelings. I didn't want to get back together with her but if she had been crying maybe, I had really hurt her. I heard someone else in the house and hadn't noticed Bethany standing at the fridge listening to me mumble. She walked over and asked what was wrong so I explained. She said the best advice I needed but hadn't come up with on my own, "Don't get back together with her. There's a reason you broke up with her."

She made me feel 1000 times better. After that, I saw her in a different light and it scared me. I never noticed how she looked really cute when she laughed or how much I wanted to make her laugh, the way her chocolate-colored hair always looked like she stepped out of a hair commercial, or how her eyes had a twinkle in them when she was genuinely happy. This all freaked me out because I was starting to sound like a guy who was whipped despite not having the girl. I had girlfriends in the past but none were serious and I had never liked a girl this much.

So, there I was sitting in front of her and Nathan at Hannah's competition ready to explode. My fist lay next to me in a tight ball and I tried so badly to focus on the competition in front of me but my eyes and ears kept wandering to her and the guy. I was so jealous and couldn't show it or else people would suspect that something was up, which could not happen. Only a select few people knew I liked her, even Evan knew there was some girl I was into but I hadn't let on specifically who it was yet.

If he knew, this would likely happen: he was completely whipped so he would tell Sam because they tell each other everything. She would tell her brother because Sam's an overall blabby person. Ryan would tell Hannah because they're loyal best friends. Hannah would explode then tell Bethany. The problems with close-knit friends. It was all just a bad cycle.