Most definitely (boyxboy)

(3) Most definitely not friends

Most Definitely..

Love is like war. Easy to begin. Hard to end.
- Proverb

Chapter 3

Silent as I tip toed my way into my house and through the living room only to see my family sitting in the living room with blank faces.

Wow guys happy to know you care.

I knew they were feeling something though. It was something the Madison family has always done. We'd blank our faces of all emotion so that know one constantly ask questions.

"Family!" I said.

They all looked up at me and instantly relief came over all they're faces.

That's what I thought.

"Jesus Christ Grayson where were you!?" Mason yelled pulling me in for a hug.

"You look like crap." Nathan said.

"I know you care little brother. Cut the crap." I said grinning before giving him a hug he didn't return.

"Shut up bitch." He said pushing me off of him.

"No you shut up. Bitch."

"Goodness! Grayson, Nathan stop!" My dad scolded.

"Are you okay son?" He asked looking at me.

I wasn't

"Yeah.." I said looking down.

"Honey we can tell when you're lying." My mom said. "I-i don't want to talk about it.' I said trying to push away any unwanted thoughts about him.

"Is this about Avery?" My mom asked.

Wow thanks a lot mother

I thought about Avery. His face when I kissed him.. The way he looked at me..

I broke down crying.

"Jesus mom! Look what you've done!" Mason yelled.

Nobody said anything my dad lifted me up and carried me to my room while he and my mom soothed me.

-

School.

I didn't even bother trying today. I looked like a homeless person that has rolled in dirt 500 times.

I was being dramatic.

I was wearing a black hat to cover my face. A black hoodie to help cover my face. Black shades to cover my red eyes And black jeans to..

Well to cover my ass.

I also had my beats headphones in and was listening to Drake. Hotline Bling.

Was that what it was called?

I don't know but I liked it.

I stood by the entrance to wait for Avery to move from his locker which yay for me was right next to mine.

Once he left I opened my locker and threw my book bag in before heading into first period which didn't begin until the next five minutes.

-

"Mr Madison I'd appreciate if you would pay attention in my class." Mr Walton said.

I sighed and leaned back in my chair slightly.

"Mr Madison don't make me say it again."

I turned the volume up louder.

He removed my headphones and places them on his desk.

I scowled at him and placed my head down and pretends to read my book but I was really going to sleep.

-

"Mr Madison. Please answer the question." He said.

"Mr Madi-"

"Oh my god shut the fuck up!" I yelled before getting up and storming out of the classroom.

I was going to be in so much trouble.

I stopped in my tracks to see Avery pacing around.

Maybe I could talk to him?

No I can't. He hates me..

I pulled out my phone. I'll just text him.

Grayson: hi ex best friend..

I looked up as he pulled out his phone and stared at the message before a smile came to his face before he scowled.

Stubborn bastard.

Avery: you're gay..

Grayson: no.. I just did something stupid. I'm sorry Ave I didn't mean to kiss you.. It just happened. Don't hate me :(

Avery: did you enjoy kissing me?

Grayson: maybe.. But I won't do again if you don't want me to.

Avery: I don't. I'm not gay.

Grayson: okay. Would you hate me if I was?

Avery: we probably wouldn't hang out.. You know how my parents are.

Grayson: your parents or you? Your nearly a legal adult Avery if you really wanted to hang out with me you wouldn't care if I was gay or not and your parent wouldn't have anything to say. It's not like I go to your house often anyway.

Avery: I'm sorry you feel that way.

Grayson: yeah I'm sorry you feel the way you do aswell.. I thought we were friends. I guess I was wrong. Friends don't instantly hate other friends because of their sexuality. Friends don't leave other friends alone outside when it's dark. Friends don't call other friends fags. Friends don't leave their friends stranded at night time to cry and walk home alone. Friends don't leave other friends alone to have a panic attack..

Avery: you missed one thing. Friends don't kiss other friends..

Grayson: I guess we aren't friends then.

Avery: i guess not.

-
I went home and cried.

Avery wasn't my friend..

I cried harder.
I screamed.
I had another panic attack.

I grabbed my scissors and sliced my wrist.

I didn't feel a thing..

I cut myself again and again and again. I couldn't stop. I wanted to die.

I didn't want Avery to not be my friend. I didn't want to be gay.
I didn't want my family to hate me once they found out.

I wanted to die.

I cut deeper.

I didn't want to be bullied.
I didn't want to be giving looks.
I didn't want to be alone.
I didn't want to be hated.

I wanted to be normal.
I wanted to have friends.
I wanted my family to love me.
I wanted Avery.

I was gay.
I was gay.
I was gay.

I cut deeper.

I passed out.

-

Holy shit. I wanted to cry when writing this.

This is probably the first time I've ever written a sad depressing moment and actually came out decent.

My poor baby Grayson :(

- IJUSTLOVETOWRITE 😩