Fade.

Lost

On my way to Hotch's house I sent him a text to see if he was awake which was answered with a simple yes. I had been thinking about what had happened the entire way there. Did Reid really just lay that on me? Was I hallucinating?

I pulled into the driveway and walked up to the front door. I knew Hack was asleep so I knocked as quietly as I could so I didn't wake him.

"Willow. Come in."

I walked in after a few seconds of just standing in the doorway. He lead me to the couch and made me sit.

"So what's going on? You never contact me this late."

It took me a minute to work up the dinky voice that was emitted by my usually gigantic mouth.

"I need advice but not from JJ or Morgan. I need advice from a dad's stand point..."

He nodded knowing me and my father weren't anything near "close"

"I'm all ears."

I took a deep breath and looked at my feet.

"I told Reid that Rossi was letting use his guest house until I found someplace and he pretty much told me that he wanted me to stay with him a few more days to think about it."

"And what did you tell him?"

"Well that's where this all goes a bit wonky."

I looked at him and he nodded for me to continue.

"I told him that I would but I asked him why he didn't want me to leave as soon. He told me he didn't want me to leave a gave me a few reasons but they weren't straight forward I guess. I asked him again why he was so bunged up about me leaving and he went catatonic for a while then walked out. The thing is when he came back he pretty much- no he did, tell me he loves me..."

"What did you say after that?"

I scratched at the back of my head.

"I uh.... I didn't say anything. I just left. I told him I needed a little time."

"But what did you want to say?"

I stood up and started walking around the room.

"Easier question is what I didn't want to say. I wanted to tell him that I love him to and that I didn't want to leave. I wanted to tell him that I wanted him to make me stay and make me regret taking the key to the guest house. I wanted to tell him that he makes me happy and that I would've left the BAU after this whole fiasco but he made me want to stay. Hell I wanted to kiss him."

"Why didn't you?"

I looked at him straight in the eyes and told him the absolute truth.

"Because I've never felt like this with anybody. I mean sure I've loved somebody before but not like this. It's never made me feel like I'm going to puke if I don't know they're okay. I've never been this comfortable or happy around somebody before"

I slid down the wall by the kitchen.

"It's never made me this terrified of screwing up and losing somebody..."

He came and sat down next to me.

"Then you need to tell him."

"I-I can't."

"Why?"

"I wouldn't know how for one and two I'd screw up and lose him anyway."

I was practically burning a hole in the floor with my eyes when I felt Hotch wrap and arm around my shoulders.

"Life is about taking risks. Loving somebody is one of the biggest ones. So is not telling them how you feel. If you hold that in and let them find somebody else you could never know what the outcome would've been."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean if you let him think that there's nothing on his end you would never find out how that relationship would end."

"Like marriage?"

"That could be a possibility but so could fasting for a while then staying friends. Anything could happen Willow. You just have to give it a chance."

I nodded and looked at him.

"Thank you Hotch."

"I'm glad I could help."

"Give Jack a hug for me yeah?"

I said as I stood up along side him. He nodded and smiled a small smile. I began to walk back to the door when I turned around and decided he deserved a hug.

"You're a better dad then mine ever was you know that right? Jack is lucky he's your son."

I smiled at him and started to walk away.

"And we're all lucky to know you Willow."

I kept smiling as I walked out the door and back to my car to drive back to the apartment which ended up being me making it there and sitting in my car for a half an hour.

When I finally grew a spine enough to get out of the car it was almost four in the morning. Reid was probably asleep so I'll be quiet.

Almost as soon as I walked into the apartment I was stopped in my tracks.

"I'm sorry if I scared you off I just wanted you to know the truth and I underst-"

"Stop. Stop right there okay. You didn't scare me off. I bailed and acted like a chicken. I'm glad you told me the truth and not some stupid made up reason."

I had started to slowly walk over to him while talking trying not to trip.

"And I'm also glad that you didn't get pissed when I decide to go drive around. Spencer, I've never had anybody tell me they loved me and mean it. I've loved somebody and meant it before but that's a whole different story. I was just shocked I guess. I'm sorry I bailed I really am. I just needed a bit of time to process it."

At that point I was standing right in front of him staring at him while he started back half happy to see me and half scared of what was going to happen.

"I'm not mad that you left. I'm not mad that you didn't say anything either. I would've done the same thing. I was just worried about you. I know how your mind fogs over when you need to think and driving like that is dangerous for everybody. Not to mention nobody knew where you were. I just didn't want you to end up getting hurt or lost or something. I just-"

That was enough of his babbling to break me. I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down to my height and kissed him. It wasn't anything dramatic like the first kisses you see in movies but it was still perfect.

When I pulled away his eyes were still closed and he was still holding his breath for a few more seconds before opening then slowly. He just stared at me.

"Sorry...."

"No. Don't apologize... Why di-"

"I love you too Reid. I have for a while. I just didn't know how to tell you..."

His beautiful face broke into one of his huge goofy grins and he pulled me into his arms and just held me for a minute. No words. No swaying. Nothing. I still felt like I was where I'm meant to be. Hotch was right. I did feel better but I couldn't help but feel like something was going to go sour somewhere along the way.