Forty Seconds (MattxMello -- Death Note)

5 // fourteen

[A/N: this is just fluff in the spirit of halloween but i swear i'll have a real chapter up next friday. happy reading!]

"Matt, why are you dressed like a clown?"

"I'm not a clown -- i'm the joker! Duh!"

"Well, you look ridiculous. take off that stupid getup, and show me how to hack into the Japanese police services. "

"it's halloween!"

"So? what do you plan to do? go trick-or-treating?"

"Even better!"

*pulls out stack of DVDs*

"watch porn?"

"Ha, ha. funny. were going to watch all those horror movies Roger would never let us watch back at Wammy's!"

"matt, i honestly don't see the appeal of twenty-hours filled with mediocre plot, stupid blonde sluts, and little asian girls in white sheets. quite frankly, i'd rather watch porn."

"Oh, come on!"

[...]

"Mello!"

[...]

"it'll be fun!"

[...]

"or are you too scared?"

"I am not too scared."

"then prove it."

///

despite appearances, mello isn't much for horror -- he finds it drab. or so he claims. yet still, ten minitues into a nightmare on elms street, and fredy is chasing tina down the alleyway in her frilly nightgown, and matt's hand is being clutched rather tightly.

Freddy is having fun. he breaks out the claws, and splits his skin. terrible 90's effects ooze from the slice. yuck.

"oh my god!" mello's face is in the couch. "tell me when it's over. that's disgusting!"

"thats what makes it critically-acclaimed, y'know."

"it doesn't even look real. oh god, what's he going to do to her? rape her?"

"no, that's what would happen in real life. this is a horror movie. he's gonna eat her; and not like you think."

"gross as fuck!"

"awesome!"

"you're kind of a satanic freak, aren't you?"

"totally."

///

"this is so stupid."

"what?"

"I mean, you're a bleach-blonde whore in a horror movie and you're getting comfy with the boy-next-door, and then you're all like, oh my god, mr. killer -- what are you doing here?! please don't cut out my ovaries!"

"you realize you just described yourself, right?"

"fuck you."

*spits in popcorn*

"real mature, mels."

"but it's just so stupid! what is it with this particular trend of cliches? is it really that profitable? are horror-fans really so very perverted that having a fourteen-a-rated sex scene in the middle of all the gore is going to make your sales sky-rocket?"

*takes handful of popcorn*

"but then again, you like horror, and you're a pervert, so..."

"shut up -- it's getting to the good part!"

[...]

[on-screen scream]

"oh my god! what the actual f--."

"frack! you just got decapitated, sister!"

"i just lost my appetite."

"look how real the guts look!"

"were not having spaghetti for supper tonight. what's this guy's issue, anyway? and why does he have to make a skin-mask with the remains of his victims?"

"human-skin-masks are the hottest fashion trend right now."

"i bet they are."

"sometimes you just gotta make your own."

"you're sick."

"you do realize you're holding my hand, right?"

[long silence]

"I didn't say let go."

*gets up*

"where are you going?"

"to go puke, and get some more popcorn."

///

"so, what i'm gathering is that all these movies are either about a family dumb enough to move into a previous-murder house and get the shit haunted out of them by lucifer or creepy dolls or, VHS tapes with creepy psychotic girls on them, or a bunch of horny teenagers spending the night somewhere alone and meeting mr.psycho in the middle of the woods while doing the nasty. am i correct?"

"you forgot the whole blonde-smart-virgin is the only survivor, and the no-cellphone-reception in the middle of boston cliches."

"so whats this one about?"

"it's about an anti-social taxidermist who has big mommy issues."

"sounds fun."

"and after that, we're diving full into 2007's area of torture-porn!"

"wow! so exciting!"

"mel?"

"what?"

"do you remember that one halloween, when we we're like eleven, and you went trick-or-treating as a sheet ghost, and i was a zombie. we were walking down a street on an incline and you tripped on the dragging sheet."

[...]

"...yeah. I ended up scraping my face up bad enough for it to look like we got beat up and mugged or something."

"but damn, we got a pretty impressive haul."

"i'd never eaten so much chocolate all-at-once in my life. speaking of that, where's the chocolate?"

"it's in the kitchen. it's actually past midnight, now, so technically it's too late to binge-eat candy."

"who says it has to be halloween to binge eat candy?"