Eventually

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven 

June 9th 1999 - Frederick Pepper  

I couldn't even think straight. I couldn't process anything, lying on the kitchen floor with Arthur by my side. The only thing continuously running through my mind, echoing over and over, was the bare thought that Arthur liked me. Like, liked me. Liked me a lot more than a friend, and certainly a whole lot more than a best friend. And every single time I looked into those soft, magical brown eyes of his, I was reminded of it.

It wasn't hard to figure out, and after a moment of lying there on the kitchen floor with him cradling me, I was beginning to piece it all together. The reason he stayed. The reason he gave me that weird look. The reason he was always there for me no matter what, through thick and thin, through Hell and high water. It all kind of made sense in that moment, why he held me up above all of his bitchy girlfriends, why he had what I called a soft spot just for me. The reason why he'd stayed with me through all these years, in spite of all the reasons I gave him to leave.

God, my best friend liked me. What the fuck am I supposed to do about that?

I didn't feel the same. I couldn't feel the same. Sure, I mean, I guess we had a certain kind of bond, and we did have a strong kind of love, but romance? No. I couldn't. Ever. It just wasn't possible. Arthur was the closest thing I had to a brother, and believe me, you don't go around fucking your brother. Unless this is Flowers in the Attic, or A Game of Thrones, but otherwise, no sex with your brother please.

Sometimes, I'll admit, I get confused about our relationship. Sometimes, I'll sit down and I'll think to myself that we were just too dysfunctional to last as friends, sleeping in the same bed, being around each other constantly. It almost felt like we were already dating. And yeah, in my head, I mixed up friendship and dating. Boundaries were always blurry with me. I couldn't really tell if I was going too far, you know? If sleeping in his bed with him while he was naked was too far. If waking up with morning wood right beside a naked Arthur was taking friendship too far.

Looking back, it obviously was, but sometimes, I would get so confused that I wouldn't know. I couldn't tell the difference. I'd convinced myself that what we had was entirely platonic, that there was no sex involved, so doing stuff like that was fine. It would have no consequences, because we were both straight guys and we didn't have feelings for each-other. That's clearly no longer the case.

"We need to get ready for school," he reminded me, bringing me back to reality.

I blinked, and then I realised that he was right in front of me, so close to me, his body literally inches from me. The first sight I saw was his eyes, a brooding brown, flecked with honey and toffee and the sweeter things in life. But I could never look him in the eyes long enough anymore, knowing what I knew, so I dropped my gaze down to the rest of him. Like that made anything better, though. My eyes raked over him like a sex-crazed lunatic just about ready to pounce.

He was wet, from running out of the shower to help me. He was naked, with a single towel wrapped around his waist. I could almost see everything. The water slowly falling down his shoulders, dropping from his collarbones and gliding down to his hardened nipples. I followed one particular water droplet as it created a path down his chest, rising and falling over his defined abs, and then it fell into his happy trail and traipsed under the towel, right where I could only guess it was going to next.

I shook myself, getting up off of the kitchen floor. I still felt a little dizzy, but I ignored it, and pressed onwards to making some cereal for myself, trying to block Arthur right out of my mind.

"I'm just gonna get dressed, okay?" he said, coming over to me by the kitchen bench. He stayed facing my back, watching me make cereal like it was the most important thing in the world. Until, of course, I dropped the carton of milk while pouring it into the bowl, and it splattered down onto the floor. I just stood there staring at it, but Arthur's first instinct must have been to grab it and pick it up, using both hands. That was when the towel dropped to his ankles. Now he was really naked, like really naked. Cock flopped out, everything right on show.