I was able to muster up some information on the initiation of Marcus, and I had a month to warn the kid, so I thought it best to let him settle first. Walking home was actually weird, trying to use music to blast out my thoughts wasn't working, and I couldn't stop thinking of Marcus. I looked into his eyes... and saw the kids damn heart. I saw pain in the poor kids eyes, and it wasn't normal. Bullying and not fitting in was not the kids problem, he was getting abused, physically and mentally.
I got home a couple mins later. Trying to take out my keys, I jerked a little to my side, and I looked up towards the street. When I turned, my heart sank. "No no no!!" I started to shake like crazy trying to take out my keys, and when I did get them out my god forsaken small pocket, I heard my buses engine hiss, and drive away. I clenched my keys the hardest I could in my fist and slowly felt the rusty key dig into my skin and spill blood. "Crap!" I slammed my head onto the door and slowly pushed the key in the hole and unlocked my apartment building door. Once I got inside I walked up to the third floor and started to beat my door. "What the hell?! Lady you know by now to show....", I pushed past my mother "Hey can I catch the next bus to Paula?" My mother sighed in an annoyed, yet sympathetic way. "You know the deal already. Also what's that? Is that..." she reached for my hand but I pulled it away and grabbed a napkin as fast as I could. "Yeah blood, but I'm fine don't worry bout it, I just cut myself with the keys, now can I please catch the next damn bus! I forgot today was my day, I'll finish all my homework before 12 please just let me go!" My mother looked down and closed her eyes trying her hardest to hold back tears. She looked up, "I'm sorry, but you can't go to Paulas, that's it." "Why not! I'll do my homework, I'll clean the house, I'll take after school classes to raise my grade, but just please let me go! It's not fair I only go once a month!" "If you would have had your grades up, then maybe you actually could have gone whenever you wanted!" At that point I was already burning with rage inside, "Maybe if you weren't separating with dad my grades would still be decent!" I didn't dare look at my mother's face knowing how much that hurt her, I just bolted for my room to try and think of a way to still go to Paulas. I put my headphones on full blast and took out my homework. Numbers, essays, and reading about dead people was all I ever had for homework anymore, so getting it done want much of a challenge. Getting it done correctly was a challenge.
I finished my homework around an hour later, so I decided to attempt to negotiate with my mom. I walked into the kitchen and walked up to her. "Hey... um, so can I..." she quickly and cut me off. "Yeah yeah, your metro card is right there on the table, it has two rides so yeah." I glanced over to the metro card and back to my mom. "You sure?" I started to see that she was tearing up and she turned away. "Yeah yeah just go don't forget your keys." She got up and just locked herself In her room, and I really wanted to go, so I took the metro card, my keys, a snickers bar, and bolted out. I waited around five mins and the bus finally came. I got in and took one of the paired window seats in the back. I arrived at around eight, and when I was there the gate was locked, so I climbed over. Once I was over I slowly walked up the hill and looked down on everyone else and said a small prayer for them. Once I got to the middle of the top of the hill I started to sprint cause I really couldn't wait anymore to see Paula. Once I found her I ran up to her and kneeled down next to her. "Hey... it's me Kathy, I know that you remember me, but I don't know if you can hear me from where you are." Silence. "Also I brought you some news to, cause I know how much you love my news. There was a new kid, and I think that Ryan and his douche friends are gonna initiate him, I might help him, but I think that can be my chance to be left alone for good." A cold wind blew on the back of my neck and I shivered a little. It's kinda getting cold, here, you can take my sweater, I don't need it anyway." More silence, and I started to tear up now. "Also, I'm working harder for you, I know how much that meant to you, so I'm doing my hardest this year..." I couldn't hold it in anymore so I just started to bawl my eyes out. "You know it's hard without you! I miss you so much! I lost my temper today with my mom and made her feel like shit today!" I looked at Paula and dropped down on her and lost it. "I'M SORRY THIS IS PROBABLY HURTING YOU.... BUT IT HURTS ALRIGHT! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT YOU AREN'T WITH ME ANYMORE... I REALLY REALLY MISS YOU! I'M NOT GONNA LET RYAN DO ANYTHING TO THE KID, I PROMISE YOU THAT! I KNOW WHAT IT DID TO YOU, SO I JUST DON'T WANNA SEE THAT AGAIN, I ALREADY KNOW THAT HE'S HURTING! I WON'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO HIM! I PROMISE YOU THAT!" I got up and brushed the wet dirt off my face and looked at Paulas grave. "I miss you Paula." I collapsed on her grave right there and I cried the rest of my eyes out.
