Soulmates | Phan AU |

Twenty Seven; For A Moment

No one seems to be commenting anymore as much as they used to :( 

Chapter Twenty Seven:

Dan;

It had been a long time since I had felt this content. This happy. For once, I hadn't woken up with the crippling anxiety that likes to sit on my chest, crushing me on the inside. For once, I could breath. Maybe it was the amount of fresh air that had been inhaled into my lungs in these past not even twelve hours. 

Or maybe not. 

Maybe it was the boy who was softly snoring from beside me on the bed. His mouth was hung open slightly, drool pooling on the pillow. Usually, I would have found that hilarious but I found it to be endearing if I was being honest. It was endearing because it was Phil. 

Phil was the only thing that soothed me, he kept me anchored down onto solid ground instead of drowning in a sea of anxiety and panic. 

Slowly, careful to not wake up the sleeping boy, I retracted my arm that was firmly wrapped around Phil's waist before getting up from the bed. Stretching out my limbs, I let out a sigh as I heard the satisfying crack of bones. I walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. Well when I say living room it was just a sofa with a TV situated on the wall opposite.

The kitchen was just facing as you walked out, it was only a small kitchen. Much more smaller than I was used to but it was a cabin, it was hardly going to be luxurious. Albeit it was perfect for us. All me and Phil really needed was each other, we didn't need anything else. Me and him would be quite content in a tent as long as we could together; safe and well. 

I breathed in the crisp, autumn air as I stood on the door step of the cabin, looking out at what the surrounding nature had to offer. The view was truly beautiful and as I stood there, I thought to myself: I could get use to this. 

The leaves from the trees had turned crisp and discoloured from their natural green colours and had begun to fall off the trees, littering the ground in an array of burnt oranges and mellow yellows. Autumn was always my favourite of the seasons. Maybe it was because it was socially acceptable to wear jumpers and all black and drink hot chocolate. Or maybe it was because it meant Christmas was fast approaching. 

"Good morning," I smiled as I heard Phil speak from behind me. 

"Morning." I replied, melting into Phil's open arms, inviting me in for a hug which I gratefully accepted. "I can't believe that this is it; we are here. Finally." 

"I can't believe it either. It feels so good to be here." I nodded, agreeing with him. 

It was silent as we both enjoyed being in each other's arms. There was a chilly breeze coming in through the door but at this moment neither of us cared. For a moment, my mind drifted on what the world would be like if we were free to love who we were. Would me and Phil still be together? Or would we like different people? Would there be a high rise in adultery and population as there was in the past? 

For a moment, I wondered about what could happen if we got caught. 

For a moment, I was scared. 

There were too many toxic thoughts clouding my mind. However, I knew those toxic thoughts had an element of truth behind them, I just chose to ignore them- too afraid to dace the truth. 

Slowly, I pulled away from Phil's hold. "Hey, Phil?" I asked, carefully, my voice quiet. 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you... Do you ever think about what may happen if-If we get--" Phil rapidly shakes his head. 

"No, no, no!" He exclaims. "We can't think like that! We have to be optimistic otherwise this won't work out. For once we can be together and not worry about who is watching, for once we can happy. If they catch us, they catch us but let me tell you this, Daniel: they can't take away our happiness." 

He was right. 

Of course he was, he's always right. I need to stop being so anxious and doubtful of everything. I have to be optimistic; like Phil said. 

I nod my head, sniffling back the tears I hadn't realised had escaped my eyes. With his thumb, Phil gently wipes away the tears off my face. He was always so gentle with me, as if I was fragile and made of glass. Phil acted as though I could be easily be broken and he was the bubble wrap that was wrapped tightly around me to stop me from smashing into pieces. 

For a moment, I wondered what it would be like if I no longer had that protection, what would happen to me? 

However, I had to be optimistic. I had to believe in Phil; in us. All this doubt wasn't healthy for anyone. 

"I'm sorry, I need to stop being such a debbie downer." I apologised. 

Phil chuckled. "Yes you do." I looked down, ashamed. Ashamed at myself, at the world- at everything. 

I opened my mouth to apologise again but Phil beat me to it by speaking up again: "Don't you dare apologise again! You don't need to apologise for anything! I understand that you're scared and you know what? I am too." Phil admitted. 

"But I love you, Dan Howell. And you are all I need in life." 

X 

That's such a sappy ending lmao. 

Anyways, there are only three chapters left of this story omg. I have it all planned out and I can't wait for you guys to read it! I've even started writing the sequel! 

How are you all? Talk to me guys, tell me about your day or whatever you want. pls I am desperate for friendship I have like 2.5 friends. 

My crush has a girlfriend and I am crying inside. He's in my Photography and English Literature classes in college which is a good thing and a bad thing. He's so sweet and cute. And hot.

Ugh why do crushes exist.