I had no idea how long Chad and I were on the roof. Hours maybe. We spent our time talking and laughing, giddily kissing. I didn't push him to talk about the heavy stuff, though I was dying to know. We talked about school and shared stories about friends and family. We talked about life and what kind of futures we both wanted.
"What do you want to do after we graduate?" I asked, my temple resting on his shoulder.
"I don't know. I'll probably stay here. Work as a mechanic in the shop with my dad."
"I thought you didn't like it here."
"I don't."
"Then why stay?" I challenged.
"Because I have nowhere else to go," the way he said it seemed kind of sad, I could tell it was something not commonly discussed with him.
"Sure you do." I couldn't imagine thinking our bigoted and superficial version of suburbia was the only option, for anyone.
"Arabella, don't worry about me."
I did worry about him. Though I may have never admitted it. I did.
I worried about the people he hung out with. Maybe they were good people, but their constant residency in detention didn't make that seem too likely.
I worried about his drinking habits. I love alcohol as much as anyone. But he had the tolerance of someone who drinks their life away. I worried he did.
I worried about his grades. The way he seems to blow off school. Will he even graduate with us in the spring?
I worried about his home life. I had gotten less than a glimpse. A passing story about a broken telescope, was the most he'd shared. I worried his occasional bruises weren't from mishaps in gym class and scuffles with classmates.
Even though we'd made strides tonight, I didn't want to tell him that I worry.
Eventually, my phone buzzed, a frantic Zac on the other end. "Where are you?!" he cried through the phone line.
"I'm at the party still, why?" I didn't tell him I was on the roof with Chad. Though, I'd probably tell him everything later, I wanted to keep this moment between us- at least for a little while.
"I haven't seen you in like two hours. I got worried" he said, considerably calmer.
There wasn't much noise in the background. The party must have died down by now. I pulled the screen from my ear to check the time, 4:12.
"Are you ready to leave?" He asked.
I wasn't. I didn't want to leave Chad, but I knew I should. I had the feeling that wherever we were headed, we had to take baby steps. I couldn't get my hopes up, if in the daylight everything would change.
"Yeah, I'll meet you by the front door." Chad's head snapped in my direction at that. An emotion crossed his face before he looked away. I couldn't tell if it was disappointment or shock.
After Zac and I hung up, I scooted closer to Chad "I have to go" I told him, grabbing his hand.
"So I heard."
We were at an awkward crossroad, and I could tell that how I responded would really matter. "Thanks for bringing me up here."
He finally looked at me, there was a small smile on his lips. As he began to speak, he nervously scratched the back of his head. "So, um. Would it be okay if I took you out sometime? Not like, through my bedroom window but to dinner or something?"
I smiled. He's usually the epitome of the 'cool guy' calm and collected, unless he was getting into fights, that its. Seeing his nerves show was a rarity, and I took full satisfaction in seeing them. "yeah," I told him, "you can take me to 'dinner or something'".
He mirrored my smile and helped me up. Chad went through the window first and then guided me through too. I tiptoed around a half-naked couple on the floor, why they weren't on the bed was beyond me, and closed the door behind us.
"I'll see you later." I told Chad, giving him a kiss on the cheek before walking away.
"When's that?" He called after me.
I turned around, watching him as I walked backward, shrugging. "That's up to you."
*
"Are you sober enough to drive?" I asked Zac, when I met him at the door.
"Of course I am, why do you think we stayed so long?" He laughed, leading me down the driveway.
I shrugged, the rest of the girls were waiting in the car when we got there. Zac jumped in the driver's seat and I squeezed in the back.
Zac navigated to Macy's house where we dropped off everyone else before heading back to his. Once we were back on the road Zac asked, "Who did you do tonight?" Squinting over at me, examining me.
"No one!" I said, maybe a bit too defensively.
"Sure, sure."
"Zac, I feel like we go over this after every party. I didn't 'do' anyone."
"Then why were you gone so long?" He challenged.
"I was hanging out with Chad." I said, nonchalantly.
After enough convincing, Zac believed that Chad and I didn't really do much. I didn't give him details, which obviously bugged him, but he didn't push me too much.
"So you're going to go on a date with him?" Zac asked.
"Well..yeah." I told him.
Zac shook his head and I could tell he didn't fully approve. I didn't blame him. Chad and I did a 360 in just a day's time.
I rationalized with him, "I'm just not going to overthink this."
"Bel, I know you like him and everything. But just be careful, you know how he can be."
Zac's warning annoyed me a bit, mostly because I knew he was right. "I will" I assured him.
But will I really? I know he has the power to hurt me, and every time I see him, he gets more and more. Every conversation we have, he gets a little piece of me. At this rate, it wouldn't be long before he could completely destroy me.
