Chad didn't say anything, waiting for me to continue.
"I--" I started, "I'm not perfect," I said, quietly. I wanted to yell at him more, to go off about how it wasn't my fault the date ended that way. That I was hurt by how he treated me at that restaurant, but I didn't have it in me. I was tired from the alcohol and fighting with Chad.
Chad groaned and walked toward me, "Of course you are."
I looked down, refusing to make eye contact with him. He was right next to me now, and I focused on his black leather boots. When I didn't respond, he slid down the wall and sat, continuing his speech. He sounded strong and determined.
"God, seriously Arabella. You drive me crazy. You ask too many questions and you never let anything go. And I never know how to make you happy. You overreact about things and you're always running away," I still didn't meet his eyes. "But you're smart and you're funny. You're way too fucking kind and I never thought in a million years I would get a date with you. And I fucked it up. Okay? You're right, I did. But I am not going to let you run off to someone else again and think that I don't care."
I finally looked at him, "Do you?"
"God, how can you even ask that? Yes, I care. I just don't know how to do this," he motioned between us.
I considered what he'd said. How can he insult me and tell me he likes me in the same breath? How was I even remotely okay with it? It made sense. I doubt he's had any real relationships before.
"Chad, you don't have to know how to do this. Hell, I don't even know how to do this," I smiled. "But if you want this to work, if you want this, you have to let me in."
"Arabella, you already know me better than anyone," he told me.
My heart smiled at his words, but I wasn't going to let him use that excuse
"That's not enough," I said, touching his hand in a small act of comfort. "You can't hide things from me and you can't get mad at me when I ask simple questions. This is never going to work if we don't communicate."
I was surprised at how calm and rationally I was thinking. Chad and I can be so hot and cold, this new, warm version of us was strange to me. Chad sighed.
"The only thing I can promise is that I'll try."
"One more thing," I said, and I saw fear creep into his eyes ever so slightly. "It's just me, okay? This shit where you go from me to her and back again stops. I won't wait around for you any longer. If you want me, only me, I'm yours."
It was a brave speech for me, and I though I knew it needed to be said, I was afraid that he would reject me. That he wouldn't want just me-- the thought scared me more than it should.
"Just you," he confirmed, putting his forehead to mine. "I can do that."
I smiled, satisfied as he kissed me, really kissed me.
"Do you want to get out of here?" He asked.
"Actually," I told him. "I have to go do something first. Meet you by the front door?" Chad nodded and helped me up before we parted ways.
I decided that I needed to find Joe. This wasn't fair to him, and I needed to explain myself. He was such a sweet guy, Hell I'd be lucky to have him. But I knew I was playing with his affection and I needed to tell him the truth.
I found him in a group of people doing shots near the kitchen counter.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" I asked, putting a hand on his arm.
